It's Been Awhile

For a moment I tried to escape the reality
Tried to deny what my ♥​ has been telling me
Even still when I thought I'd had enough
And I wanted to be set free
My thoughts always came back to you and me
The more I tried to deny
My feelings for you
The more I realized the truth
No one else compares to you
Our level of connection
Is deeper than I've ever known
My life would be missing something
If I no longer knew you
I cannot contain what I know to be true
How deeply I care and am still feeling you
I thought our time came and went
Or the fear to commit
To a unique connection we both share
Which sometimes gives us hesitation
Of the unknown purpose of our paths crossing
No matter how long fate takes
Our purpose in life
Is revealed day by day
No matter what the future holds
Truth be told
My world wouldn't be the same
Without you in it
And so once again
I wanted to express myself to you
It was something I needed to do

Cleaning House

Old things made anew
Had to find a way to get rid of you
You brought all your baggage from your past
Expecting me to carry your trash
The past is the past
Leave it there
For this is a new house
Letting sunshine in
Giving new meaning to keeping it clean
I cannot carry your burden or emotions weighed in
The past is the past
Leave it there
Time to move on
Clean this house
As it was
Before you came along
I can't clean your windows
If you're still looking wit a heavy ♥​
And malice on your mind
The past is the past
Leave it there

Keepin On

My ♥​ will ache for a little while
But my spirit will not be weighed down
I am stronger than I give myself credit for
I am not wrong for expressing myself
For still believing in Love
And wanting to experience all it has to offer
I realize I am cut from a different cloth
And God designed me special
My soul mate has already been revealed
It is not yet our season
Soon our time will come
I will wait for him
Nobody else will make me feel the way he does
He completes me
One day soon
We will be made whole

if you only knew

Many days go by
My thoughts always.
Come back to you
I maintain my emotions
Many times not sure
How I feel
We've connected on so many levels
But yet seem so far apart
Life without u wouldn't be the same
Something I knew from the start
Alas I do whatever is necessary
To have you in my life
Whether it be as a friend
Or partner for life
If only you knew
How deeply I care for you
If only you knew
Life wouldn't be the same without you
If only you knew
You have a special place in my ♥​
If only you knew
I've loved you from the start
If only you knew

The ♥​ speaks but the mind won't listen

Funny thing my mind tried to tell her the other day
That love don't live here anymore
But my ♥​ begged to differ
Sayin it lives just buried a little deeper to prevent me
From being broken
My mind said "How many times do you have to be broken just to see, love don't live here anymore?"
My ♥​ refused to listen to my mind no matter how many past memories were displayed
My ♥​ held strong and excepted that some experiences weren't always good but the good ones out weighed the bad
The ♥​ speaks but the mind won't listen
Clouded by the good, the bad and some in-betweens
But my ♥​ remains clear and always open to what the world has to offer

From My Perspective

I am always to the best of my ability about and promoting positive energy. Even in that aspect there are times that experiences have surfaced that aren't positive and thus require me to vent. I feel that most people would like to have someone in their life that they can share themselves with. Someone to lean on for whatever the reason. Someone who compliments them and has their best interest at ♥​. Of course this is just my opinion but I don't believe I am that far off. Then there are people who have had one or many negative experiences that have caused them to feel the need to shut down emotionally and try to protect their ♥​ and feelings. That is quite understandable but it should not mean you can mistreat or mislead other people who aren't caught up in your protection time. For example the person who's only about sticking and moving but doesn't feel the need to share this information with the person or persons they are entertaining involvement with. They give off the appearance that they would like to be involved but just not exclusively with the person they are currently having this conversation with. Thing is this conversation has taken place with other people and maybe that day even. This to me is an act of selfishness. So not only are you misleading the person, you are also giving them false hope and wasting their time that could be spent on something more productive. The thing is some people are only looking for a stick n move type situation and being up front may just surprise you. Not being up front could result in not quite so favorable results. The one thing that remains constant is you reap what u sow! So you have to be willing to accept what you'll get back based on what you've put out. Personally this type of person irks the crap out of me cause they try to be slick and don't care who gets hurt just as long as they get what they need or want. But it takes all kind to make the world go around. Next is the person who already has a full plate but finds the need to add more as if what they already have going on isn't enough. This person to me is jus down right greedy and selfish. If you've already got a bunch of open relationships that you can hardly maintain, why try to add more. In the long run you only end up hurting yourself because you wear yourself down trying to keep up with a bunch of different people. More than likely in the end you'll end up alone cause you'll lose yourself in all the madness. There's the person who is emotionally unavailable and hasn't quite healed from a previous experience but still gets involved while bringing past issues with them. Then placing expectations on a person who has nothing to do with what has happened in the past. In retrospect being honest about this may get favorable results. Some people if they genuinely want to be with you are willing to work with you while helping you deal with and get over past experiences. The thing is they have to know beforehand so that they can prepare for the road they have ahead of them.
Although there are so many other types of things people do to other people that aren't on the up n up, these are the one's that I hear about or have experienced the most. I believe in being upfront and honest with a person explaining where I am coming from. I can't honestly say I have always been but past experiences have taught me that it is the best way to do things. Maybe some will be offended by my thoughts and if so, it should make you wonder why. This however is all in my opinion and from experiences of my own or that have been shared with me. I do believe that everyone wants love and to be loved but they need to find a way to open their hearts and let love in....fear out.

I will Acknowledge Him

Today I acknowledge God and all that he has, is and will do for me. There use to be a time that I was ashamed to speak about God and my belief in him. How I can not want to share with the world all the wonderful things he has done for me. I admit I take some things for granted but I have made it my purpose not to forget what God has done for me and to not take it for granted!! When things don't go as planned or I am faced with difficulty, I have now found myself looking at it as God's way of building up my strength. I look for the silver lining and always say "I will get through this, with God I will get through this!" God has a plan for me, a purpose that he wants me to carry through and I have been running from that purpose most of my life but I now know that I can no longer run. No longer can I deny what God wants me to do. He has given me so much wonderfulness and I don't want him to take that away or miss out on more of the wonderfulness he has in store for me. It amazes me that God can always find a way to speak to your ♥​ and make you listen even when you least expect him to. He has given me many of my hearts desires as it seems and I need to show him my gratefulness for answering my prayer and to continue to nourish what he has given me. So from this day forth I will acknowledge him in all my ways and not be ashamed to tell the world about all of his wonderfulness and blessings he has stowed upon me.

There Are Gonna Be

There are gonna be some days when I'm just not feeling you
Some days when you won't feel me too
There are gonna be some days when listening to you will get on my last nerve
Some days when listening to me will get on your last nerves too
There are gonna be some days when the sight of you angers me
Some days when the sight of me angers you
There are gonna be some days when I just can't get enough of you
Some days when you can't get enough of me too
There are gonna be some days when the sight of you turns me on
Some days when the sight of me turns you on too
There are gonna be some days when I'll fall in love with you all over again
Some days when you'll fall in love with me all over again too
There are gonna be everyday that I am grateful for you
Everyday you'll be grateful for me too
There are gonna be everyday that I'll love you
Everyday you'll love me too

On The Outside Looking In

The window was dirty no matter how many times I tried to clean it,
it remained the same.
I thought I no longer needed you, wanted you, desired you,
but I still do just the same.
As I look through this window I see,
that you have moved on from me.
Smiling the way I use to make you smile.
Laughing the way I use to make you laugh.
Kissing "her" the way you use to kiss me.
I try yet again to clean this dirty window as I looked in.
I wanted, needed to see the face of the woman who,
gives you all that I once gave you.
I leaned in closer tried to see, then I realized,
the woman looking back out was me.

Random Thoughts

I don't like when my hormones are off because of "Auntie" on her way for a visit. It makes me act out of character and almost react to things I really could care less about. The good thing is I only have to deal with this for a couple of days and then things are back to normal! It's amazing how emotional I can be even when I don't want to be or need to be. As I get older, I get better at maintaining my composure and not making a complete fool of myself. Those are the kind of days I don't want to relive. Good thing is every experience I have had...good or bad, has taught me something!! Some of my favorite lessons: never put all your eggs in one basket unless you're sure that one won't break, if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger, it is what it is and if it is meant to be, it'll be!! Some of these have taught me a valuable lesson, given me strength and kept me positive even when there wasn't a reason to be. I am just grateful to live life with all its many ups n downs.

Moving On

I thought I'd linger a little while longer.
Hoping you would come to your senses.
All the signs were there but I wasn't willing to accept them.
Now I am left with this empty space not quite sure how to fill it.
Thing is someone has almost taken your place.
I'm somewhat numb about the whole thing but the Sun is beginning to peek between the clouds.
Moving on isn't always an easy thing to do but in some cases necessary to do.
Never had I thought this road we would travel but alas it has come to be.
Moving on is something we both need to do.

May 10, 2009 :Happy Mother's Day

Today is the day to celebrate Mothers and all that they do. There are many men who play this role as well and we should acknowledge them. It is wonderful to be able to help create and nurture life. Sometimes we find ourselves taking such things for granted but it is not always promised for tomorrow. I am grateful for my Mother and all that she has done! I am also grateful to have been given the gift of Motherhood and I cherish it with all my ♥​.

May 6, 2009 The Great and Amazing

Funny how you go about life doing what you want and sometimes what you don't want to do. Different people come into your life to serve a different purpose. Some of the time it's a positive experience and other times it is not so positive. You take what you need from each experience whether you intend to or not. It builds character, makes you stronger but should never break you. If it isn't how you would treat yourself, then you shouldn't allow others to treat you in such a way that isn't of your desire! The great and amazing thing is, you have the power to control your own destiny!!

May 3, 2009 The Birds and The Bees

The interactions with the opposite sex never cease to amaze me. You meet a guy/gal and either sparks fly or not. If sparks fly then you choose to make the time to get to know one another. After spending time, feelings began to develop and you find yourself wanting to act on these feelings. It could be spending more time with this person to see how far the two of you are willing to go. It has a significant impact on how much time two people are willing to spend with each other, ask the questions that need to be asked and say the things that need to be said. Most times we find ourselves afraid to ask the questions that we want to ask for fear of the answer. You have to ask the questions in order to know the answers. I have began to implement those ideas into my own relationships because I want to know and I don't want fear to take that away from me.

April 30, 2009 April Showers, May Flowers

I know April showers bring May flowers but my goodness with all the rain! I can only go so many days without sunlight. I have gone 4 days and I feel like I'm dragging. Today it peeked out and I ran to soak up it's rays but then the clouds returned and took away my Sun! I am so ready for Spring and Sunshine.

Good Bye Love

Good bye love
Sorry you weren't good enough for me
Made me think that maybe almost possibly we could be
Said all the things I wanted to hear
But actions never taking place
You missed out on a beautiful thing
You're heart would have been safe
I would have been there in your darkest hour
My shoulder when you needed to cry
My ear when you needed to confide
My body when you needed passion
My heart when you needed love
My soul to be one with yours
Somehow you thought you were going keep me in circles
Guess you missed when I made that exit left stage right
It's ok I now realize you weren't ready for me anyway
But I thank you for all the times you made my heart feel joy
Pain and all the in between
Because without that my gift would have disappeared into the wind
Never to be seen again
Good bye love
You weren't good enough for me

April 13, 2009 Thoughts of the day

It seems that many of my poems are of the erotic nature lately. Maybe that could have some kind of underlying meaning or maybe that I have tapped into that part of me that I have no problem embracing. It is but of human nature. I guess the part of me that wasn't so sure about sharing it has now overcome that fear. Everyday I am growing more and more into this "gift" that a very good friend of mine (he knows who he is...smile) calls it. Maybe it was meant for me to share it with the world or just those close to my world. So many times we let fear prevent us from doing what we were meant to do. I let fear have that effect on me but I will not any longer. If reading about, writing about and exploring my erotic side brings someone else fear, well they will just have to figure out a way to get past it or not read this at all. I have let fear push me away from so many things, even things that matter most to my heart. Even if I cannot understand why things happen the way they do, why a person says one thing and does something different, or that someone cannot accept me for all the wonderfulness I possess, I will not let fear prevent me from using my gift to express myself, from living my life to its fullest potential and for not believing in myself when others didn't. I only have this one life and it was designed to live no matter the ups and downs, the good and bad, it is my life.

April 13, 2009 The Slow Grind

He presses up against me
I can feel his manhood sequestering my womanhood
I try to act as if it doesn't faze me but my insides get wet with anticipation of his next move
He kisses my neck and that spot near my ear
My knees began to shake
He presses harder up against me
I try to act as if it doesn't faze me
My breathing becomes heavy and I feel my finger nails digging
Deeper, deeper, deeper into his flesh
He presses even harder against me
Slightly opening my legs until his fingers find my wetness
My womanhood
He gently, slowly grinds his manhood until he finds the place his fingers prepared
I try to act as if it doesn't faze me
I am up against the wall riding him so effortlessly
He presses inside of me
I try to act as if it doesn't faze me
We both fall limp from pure ecstasy

March 29, 2009 Passion

Can I say that this fire stirring up in me is more than I have ever felt before.
The thought of you touching me, me touching you, excites me.
I close my eyes and sometimes that is all I can see.
Us moving to the rhythm of our own passion.
So much time has passed.
So long we have waited and yet my desire for you grows stronger everyday.
The wonder of that unspoken word I dare not say.
Only to know that it makes everything brighter.
That at times when I haven't heard your voice,
I feel a little dismayed.
When I am finally near you, my heart will continually skip a beat.
Breathing becomes erratic and the throbbing between my thighs will be more than I can handle.
Passion that I can hardly contain and wait to share with you.

March 23, 2009 Synchronization

Funny how my heart and mind can't quite agree with certain situations in my life. My mind keeps leaning to a lost cause and chock it up to experience. My heart wants to hold out to the possibility of more developing. I'm on the fence not even sure which way to lean. My theory is always follow your heart but the mind is concerned that maybe this theory will not be proven this time. Maybe give it a little more time and see what happens.

Had a dream this morning that I went to the U.K. As an exchange student. It was quite vivid. I met some really kool roommates that were actually from there. They embraced me as if we've been knowing each other for quite sometime. I couldn't quite get use to the time difference. In my dream there was a big difference. If it was morning here, it was night time there. It was a nice dream, kinda sorry it had 2 end. Must mean I need to travel. Only time will tell!