Randomness

Have you ever listened to a song and it took you back to a place that made you feel warm inside, caused you fear, or brought a smile to your face? What was it about that song that just made you feel so good, not so good or brought a smile to your face? I talk about music on occasion because it always gives me some kind of emotion that I can either feed off of and write or a moment that is only for me to feel and experience. It is to me one of the many powerful instruments we have today that can gather a crowd, move an audience or even change the world. So what song takes you back to a special place in your life when everything seemed to be in sync and nothing else in the world mattered? Right now at this very moment which is 2:17 pm, on this 3rd day of October I am listening to music from the 70's which has a disco feel to it and doesn't actually remind me of a moment in my life but early days of my childhood when this music was quite popular. The song I am listening to is "Can you feel the force". Never heard it before today but it is sometimes for me nice to go outside the box and listen to something I wouldn't normally listen to. I am a fan of all music and as I have said today and many times before, life without music would be a hard life to live.

Maybe That's Why

I always wondered why God didn't bless me with a son
He knew I'd worry about his everyday safety to and from
He's just a baby trying to find his way but yet having to battle for his life everyday
Causing me gray hairs and wrinkles before my time
Only cause I wanna protect what's mine
Yet I know he has to grow up and be a man
But how can he if I'm trying to shield him from everything
He's my baby and that's what I'd say
And he'd just tell me I'm gettin in his way
But I wanna protect what's mine
But he has to learn on his own in due time
But the lessons are above his head
And he isn't fully equipped yet
Nobody told him his peers of the same age
Would or could be the cause of his demise one day
But yet when he looks in my eyes and say's it'll be okay
I'm praying he'll return home that day
Cause he's my baby and I gotta protect what's mine
So I guess that's why a son wasn't in my design

If Only to Listen

My heart holds on
Even when my mind is trying to move on
It's a daily struggle
And sometimes I get weak
Because it's as if my heart has a mind of its own
She's holding on to memories
That seem more like a reality
But my mind wants to put an end
To the melodrama
Cause it feels like a waste of time
A waste of resources
But the guard is up
And no one seems to be getting through
No matter how good they may sound
My heart still holds on
My mind fights to stay in charge
It's a daily struggle
Between body, heart and soul
The winner isn't important
But unison is desired
And yet it is a daily struggle
If only to listen to what the head says
So that the heart can move on
And no longer feel the need to feel
This pain of missing you
More than you'll ever know

Sometimes

Sometimes we get caught up in the major things
Miss out on the minor things
That make up the major
Love is not complicated
But yet we make it that way
We take for granted those who are here
But yet could be gone tomorrow
Life is not a guarantee
Like when you buy a new car
Tomorrow is not promised so live for today
Don't wait to tell those that you love them
Just cause you assume you have another day
Time is always of the essence and should be cherished
Don't just live for this moment
But all the moments life has to offer
Give your best and sometimes your last
And God will always take care of you
You may not understand his method
But he always comes through in the madness
And you come out anew
And it's simply because he loves you
Sometimes we get caught up in the major
Miss out on the minor
That make up the major
Never let life, love or laughter pass you by

Not Easily Broken

My heart has had many journeys
I thought my journey would end with you
But alas you were not ready to make me your final destination
I should be crushed
Sad, can't eat, sleep, or heartbroken
But I am not easily broken
You lead me to believe in you
Feel you
Accept you as you are
Understand you
Give to you
Still you weren't quite ready
For all that I have to offer
I am not easily broken
Memories of past encounters
Still bring a smile on my face
Anger does not consume me
Passion still feels me
Unconditional love
Guides me
I am not easily broken
I shed not one tear
For I already know that
One day you're gonna wake up
Reach for me
And I'll be there
But you aren't quite ready yet
Still trying to find your way
It's okay
I understand
It's a hard thing to embrace
Someone wanting to be the ending of your beginning
To give more than you ask
And no matter what
Not easily broken
I am the yolk that makes us balanced
The ying to your yang
My heart already knows
You are the better part of me
I am the better part of you
Still I am not easily broken
When you are ready to face what was already set into place
I will be here
Arms stretched wide
Heart filled with unconditional love
For I am not easily broken

It's Not Gonna Work

You think when you're in it
It's what you want
But then you realize that your freedom
Was what you wanted all along
That you still wanna play the field
Or just make sure you're not really
Missing out on "The One"
Deep down inside you know that isn't really the reason
You're afraid of the exposure
The vulnerability of someone
Seeing the core of you
Seeing you emotionally naked
Seeing the bad and wondering about the good
The ugly side that we all have but some
Keep in check better than others
So you run and hide behind the wall of convenience
Hoping reality will not be
And you can continue playing the field
Denying your heart
Feeling lonely and confused
Because you knew he/she was "The One" from the start
But the feelings are so intense that even when you try to hide
They find you and hunt you in the middle of the night
So now you say
"I must get out"
It isn't quite so simple
The heart doesn't lie
The mind plays tricks on you
To protect the ego
But no matter how hard u fight
You cannot run from the truth of the matter
The heart always wins

It Is The Sound Of Music

When I am sad it comforts my soul
When I am happy it motivates me even more
When I am melancholy it embraces me
When I am uninspired it inspires me
It brings about the emotions that are buried so deep within
Tears when they need to fall
Smiles when they need to shine
Music comforts my soul
Gives me something to look forward to and some place to go
When there is no where else
Music helps me relate, relax and release
It is the sound that carries me through
Music is in me

It's My Birthday And It's Not Just Another Day

So on this day 34 years ago, God saw fit to allow me to have presence in his world. I know most people think that a birthday is just another day but I beg to differ. It is the one day of the year that you have the right to celebrate the existence of you and no one else can say a thing about it. I use to think it had to be made lavish and all but the fact that so many people are not fortunate to see another year, just making it here is good enough for me. I guess in my reality I make it a big deal because I feel that it is a special time of the year and that each person should have the chance to feel that specialness no matter how many other times through out the year they are allowed to. So on this day I am celebrating me and the joy of seeing another day and year. I hope that when your birthday comes you will if not already do the same thing!

Decisions

Decisons that need to be made
Don't always come easy
But yet a path less traveled
Will limit the experience
To persevere through something much harder
And then your strength will go untested
You will not see what you are really made of
Heartache, disappointment are a part of some of life's trials and tribulations
Success, survival are some of many of life's rewards
The good with the bad
Or you'll never have balance
The up and the down
Or you'll never know perseverance
Decisions that need to be made
Life is a journey
You only travel when you live

Suspended In Time

My heart objects to the idea of letting you go
My mind has already left you as you were
You don't see it yet but you're clouded by all your own issues
To notice I really do love you
I have my days when I am strong
Then there are days I am weak
But my love for you presses on
I cannot understand it
And yet I cannot deny it
That somehow you will see
Just how simple my love can be
So all the days that pass
When I do not hear from you
My love will continue to sustain for you
And when you find the need to return
I will be here for you
Because that is what real love will do

And The Conclusion Is

I wish I didn't love you
Then it wouldn't hurt so much
To walk away and not follow my ♥​
My ♥​ tells me I should stay wait it out
Because she feels you so much
But my mind is tired of the guessing game
Haven't quite figured out all the answers
But came to the conclusion that moving on
Is better for the both of us
Funny how we seem so good together
But at the same time almost a bad habit to break
A chemical reaction to love's overdose
Complications from silent thoughts
Uncertainty of positions being held in our hearts
So we travel in this cosmic circle not sure of where we belong
Too afraid to speak on it just in case we're wrong
My time is precious and I don't use it sparingly
Yet your expectations change daily
I am who I am
I feel what I feel
I will not apologize for
Believing in love and loving you
Just sorry you couldn't believe in
You and me

Maybe Next Lifetime

You have been my muse
I have loved you from the very beginning
Somehow my love is just not enough
To sustain you
So I must go on
Let you be
Maybe one day
You'll come back to me
It was simple for me
Complicated for you
Didn't have to be that way
My love was here to stay
I just wanted to love you
Share my ♥​ and soul
With you
Somehow my love is just not enough
Maybe next lifetime
We'll be
As one
Souls joined together
Forming a union
Where no man can put us
Asunder
My love will always be here for you
Maybe next lifetime
Your love will be there for me

It's In His Essence

Chocolate layers
Hands strewn across
Begging reaching for more
Long limber
Moving ever so gently

Making sure not to miss a spot
Giving flow that feels so good
Finding that spot hidden beneath

On the prowl like a lion
Searching for his prey
Wrapping his arm around your waist
Giving pleasure that's more than can be handled

Chocolate layers
Hands strewn across
Long limber
Moving ever so gently

Looking for places missed
By his lips
Giving pleasure unspoken off

Chocolate layers
Hands strewn across
Long limber
Moving ever so gently

Thoughts

While reading on the train this morning I came across a paragraph that touched me in an unexpected way. "Man was created with the woman hidden in his being. God then skillfully brings out of him that hidden part called woman. She was taken "out of him." Her removal left a void and this creates man's attraction for her. She was the softer side of him. She was his tenderness, and those emotions he couldn't share. She was the tears that would not fall, the passion he didn't allow himself to feel, and the trembling compassion that he could never express. When he makes love to her, he is actually embracing the softer side of himself. He is holding all that he is unable to say in his arms and loving it, touching it, stroking the part of his being that wishes it could be held, and if he is wise, he does it with all his strength. Tenderness, sensuality, and passion erupt when he has the knowledge that he is somehow making love to the softer side of himself." I never thought of the creation of woman in this sense. Thing is it doesn't seem like men and women embrace this theory now a days. We are so afraid to show our true selves or even our softer sides because we don't want to get hurt. Don't want to be taken advantage of, so we hide behind this shield hoping that no one can penetrate it enough to expose our vulnerabilities. How long does a person have to go on like this whether it be man or woman. Should the wall be made from brick that it would take a jack hammer to break through. Speaking for myself, I don't mind my independence but I would rather have some dependence on a man who has God in his ♥​ and love in his ♥​ than to think I can provide that all on my own. Granted it has to be in me in order for it to be recognized but I am not opposed to expressing or desiring that from a man. Of course this is how I felt the passage related to me and others may view it differently. No matter what experiences I've had or will have dealing with the opposite sex, it will never stop me from believing in love!

Why

I wanna run from the way he makes me feel
I'm not quite in control of my emotions
When it comes to him
And I wonder if he knows it
I feel so strongly for him but my fear of being hurt
Prevents me from opening up all the way
He knows some of my feelings
But the depth of them is still unknown
How is it possible that we connect in such a way
But yet have our souls become as one
He is the other part of me
The part I feel God has destined for me
But fear still lives within me
How can I say with such certainty that you are the better part of me
When there are so many roads we have yet to travel
Still I feel as if my life would be missing a great part without you
It's the truth and no matter how many times I've tried to escape it
Fate has a way of making me realize it
So why does so much time pass me by
When I could be with this or that guy
All I really want is you
And no one else will do
I can't wait forever to see the future
There comes a time when
Moving on may be better
The reality is the same
But it'd be a shame to lose you
Not ever knowing what it's like to be with you
Really be with you
It's funny how all this time has passed
And I've traveled some paths
That didn't include you
And I hate to have future journeys without you
Uncertain of the next step
Not sure if I should push further
Or leave well enough alone
But life must go on with or without you
Only you can now reveal the truth
Reveal to me what I need to do
To find myself closer to you
Tomorrow is not promised
And I can't wait forever
But I'm willing
To embark on a journey
That includes you
I promise to be gentle
Take care of your ♥​
It was always my intentions from the start
But you have to be willing to let me in
Find a place where we can began
And build on this chance that God has given us
Maybe I speak out of place
Or not in my turn
But I know what my ♥​ tells me
I know that fire that burns in my soul
Is only for you
So now it's your turn
To tell me
What you're gonna do

Randomness

Saturday I had my very first photo shoot that I was completely nervous about. Never did I expect to have so much fun nor see another side of me. The camera embraced me and I saw a beauty in myself that I hadn't noticed before.. I have always been modest and didn't believe in being vain on any kind of level. It isn't wrong I realize to believe in yourself and do allow the beauty within to add confidence to your self-esteem. In the past couple of months I have been doing some internal house cleaning! Packing away things that were no longer of importance, mean me any good or pretend to be your friend in your face but talk negative behind your back. Funny thing about that is, they've got it all wrong anyway. I have become stronger in knowing that I don't have to subject myself to negativity! I don't have to share my body or soul with someone who has no intentions on respecting me, loving me, and embracing me as I am! I deserve better than what I have allowed and will not accept anything less. I know who I am, what I can do and how far I will go so there is no need to compromise my dignity! Funny how spending hours behind a camera brings some light into other aspects of your life. I feel a strong care for someone who has been in my life but feared to speak of it directly because it may push them away. I now realize my ♥​ doesn't lie to me and through everything it has not wavered and if they cannot accept me speakin from MY ♥​ then he isn't enough for me! I always thought that speaking from my ♥​ was too much for a person to handle but I now realize it's a great gift that has helped me in so many aspects of my life. One I thank God for everyday because I will do great things with it through him! So now everyday, I am changing, growing stronger and will reach one of my many ultimate goals. With God, any and everything is possible and I will continue my internal house cleaning journey through him! I will be still, listen and then react on his word for without him I would be nothing. He spared my life as a child for a reason and I am now beginning to see just why! My gift that he has blessed me with should be shared with the world.....it has been his plan from the start!

I Love Being Me

I love being me
May not have all the riches and jewels in the world
But I have me
I'm unique in ways that
I am designed to be
I don't need to compromise
To fulfill a need
All that I need is within me
I love being me
I love the coils of my hair
The curves of my body
Doesn't matter if it doesn't fit in a fashion magazine
I still love being me
I love the dimples that shine when I smile
And the brightness of my eyes
After just getting my eyebrows done
I love the softness of my skin
After a nice hot shower
The bends of my elbows
The scars of play from my childhood
That don't define me
Make up a part of me
The good days
The bad days
The not so certain days
I love being me
I don't have to compromise
Subject my ♥​ or soul to anyone who
Doesn't deserve what I hold
I love being me
I embrace the good
The bad
The happy
The sad
I love being me

Could I Ever

I know how things are suppose to go
I neither put up fuss or fight
Just go with the flow
I like simple non-complicated things
There are times when I feel as if being single
Has lost it's meaning
But I love my freedom
Not knowing what to expect next
Time presses on and I'm not getting any younger
Should I move on or continue standing
Could I ever give what I so desire in return
Or in the future will my soul burn
Will I miss you if I go this way
Could I ever know what I've missed
Or have I already seen the bliss
I've had my trials and tribulations
But life is all about experiences
Could I ever believe that you'd fall in love with me
Could I ever
Give and be all that you need
I am more than what you think you know
More than just a gentle soul
I have a heart that is ready
To show the world
The gift I so possess inside
Could I ever be
All that you need

The Mystery of Me

The mystery is my simplicity
I flow like a river
Not too fast not too slow
Just enough so you can get the feel of
The rhythm of my groove theory
Embracing my hips as if they were designed for the palm of your hands
Tasting my lips as if they were as sweet as honey
Not even a drop left
My sway is to the beat of your heart and the thump of your soul
Simplicity is the mystery of me
Trying to gather my composure of you
So that when you play the notes
I won't miss a beat
The in the out
The fast the slow
The mystery of me
Simplicity

What's Your Impression Left

And so you've closed your eyes for the last time
Breathing your last breath
What was your Impression Left
Did you make people smile
Fill someone's ♥​ with love
Did you give a lending shoulder
For tears to shed on
An open ear for conversation
To console or cheer on
What's your Impression Left
Did you open your ♥​ to those in need
To those who've wronged you
To those who were unable to speak
Did you put yourself aside
Lend a helping hand
Give when it was needed
What was your Impression Left
Life is only but a one time performance
Here today, gone tomorrow
Will the things you do and give
Allow people to remember you
So I ask of myself and you
What's your impression left