Thoughts

While reading on the train this morning I came across a paragraph that touched me in an unexpected way. "Man was created with the woman hidden in his being. God then skillfully brings out of him that hidden part called woman. She was taken "out of him." Her removal left a void and this creates man's attraction for her. She was the softer side of him. She was his tenderness, and those emotions he couldn't share. She was the tears that would not fall, the passion he didn't allow himself to feel, and the trembling compassion that he could never express. When he makes love to her, he is actually embracing the softer side of himself. He is holding all that he is unable to say in his arms and loving it, touching it, stroking the part of his being that wishes it could be held, and if he is wise, he does it with all his strength. Tenderness, sensuality, and passion erupt when he has the knowledge that he is somehow making love to the softer side of himself." I never thought of the creation of woman in this sense. Thing is it doesn't seem like men and women embrace this theory now a days. We are so afraid to show our true selves or even our softer sides because we don't want to get hurt. Don't want to be taken advantage of, so we hide behind this shield hoping that no one can penetrate it enough to expose our vulnerabilities. How long does a person have to go on like this whether it be man or woman. Should the wall be made from brick that it would take a jack hammer to break through. Speaking for myself, I don't mind my independence but I would rather have some dependence on a man who has God in his ♥​ and love in his ♥​ than to think I can provide that all on my own. Granted it has to be in me in order for it to be recognized but I am not opposed to expressing or desiring that from a man. Of course this is how I felt the passage related to me and others may view it differently. No matter what experiences I've had or will have dealing with the opposite sex, it will never stop me from believing in love!

Why

I wanna run from the way he makes me feel
I'm not quite in control of my emotions
When it comes to him
And I wonder if he knows it
I feel so strongly for him but my fear of being hurt
Prevents me from opening up all the way
He knows some of my feelings
But the depth of them is still unknown
How is it possible that we connect in such a way
But yet have our souls become as one
He is the other part of me
The part I feel God has destined for me
But fear still lives within me
How can I say with such certainty that you are the better part of me
When there are so many roads we have yet to travel
Still I feel as if my life would be missing a great part without you
It's the truth and no matter how many times I've tried to escape it
Fate has a way of making me realize it
So why does so much time pass me by
When I could be with this or that guy
All I really want is you
And no one else will do
I can't wait forever to see the future
There comes a time when
Moving on may be better
The reality is the same
But it'd be a shame to lose you
Not ever knowing what it's like to be with you
Really be with you
It's funny how all this time has passed
And I've traveled some paths
That didn't include you
And I hate to have future journeys without you
Uncertain of the next step
Not sure if I should push further
Or leave well enough alone
But life must go on with or without you
Only you can now reveal the truth
Reveal to me what I need to do
To find myself closer to you
Tomorrow is not promised
And I can't wait forever
But I'm willing
To embark on a journey
That includes you
I promise to be gentle
Take care of your ♥​
It was always my intentions from the start
But you have to be willing to let me in
Find a place where we can began
And build on this chance that God has given us
Maybe I speak out of place
Or not in my turn
But I know what my ♥​ tells me
I know that fire that burns in my soul
Is only for you
So now it's your turn
To tell me
What you're gonna do

Randomness

Saturday I had my very first photo shoot that I was completely nervous about. Never did I expect to have so much fun nor see another side of me. The camera embraced me and I saw a beauty in myself that I hadn't noticed before.. I have always been modest and didn't believe in being vain on any kind of level. It isn't wrong I realize to believe in yourself and do allow the beauty within to add confidence to your self-esteem. In the past couple of months I have been doing some internal house cleaning! Packing away things that were no longer of importance, mean me any good or pretend to be your friend in your face but talk negative behind your back. Funny thing about that is, they've got it all wrong anyway. I have become stronger in knowing that I don't have to subject myself to negativity! I don't have to share my body or soul with someone who has no intentions on respecting me, loving me, and embracing me as I am! I deserve better than what I have allowed and will not accept anything less. I know who I am, what I can do and how far I will go so there is no need to compromise my dignity! Funny how spending hours behind a camera brings some light into other aspects of your life. I feel a strong care for someone who has been in my life but feared to speak of it directly because it may push them away. I now realize my ♥​ doesn't lie to me and through everything it has not wavered and if they cannot accept me speakin from MY ♥​ then he isn't enough for me! I always thought that speaking from my ♥​ was too much for a person to handle but I now realize it's a great gift that has helped me in so many aspects of my life. One I thank God for everyday because I will do great things with it through him! So now everyday, I am changing, growing stronger and will reach one of my many ultimate goals. With God, any and everything is possible and I will continue my internal house cleaning journey through him! I will be still, listen and then react on his word for without him I would be nothing. He spared my life as a child for a reason and I am now beginning to see just why! My gift that he has blessed me with should be shared with the world.....it has been his plan from the start!

I Love Being Me

I love being me
May not have all the riches and jewels in the world
But I have me
I'm unique in ways that
I am designed to be
I don't need to compromise
To fulfill a need
All that I need is within me
I love being me
I love the coils of my hair
The curves of my body
Doesn't matter if it doesn't fit in a fashion magazine
I still love being me
I love the dimples that shine when I smile
And the brightness of my eyes
After just getting my eyebrows done
I love the softness of my skin
After a nice hot shower
The bends of my elbows
The scars of play from my childhood
That don't define me
Make up a part of me
The good days
The bad days
The not so certain days
I love being me
I don't have to compromise
Subject my ♥​ or soul to anyone who
Doesn't deserve what I hold
I love being me
I embrace the good
The bad
The happy
The sad
I love being me

Could I Ever

I know how things are suppose to go
I neither put up fuss or fight
Just go with the flow
I like simple non-complicated things
There are times when I feel as if being single
Has lost it's meaning
But I love my freedom
Not knowing what to expect next
Time presses on and I'm not getting any younger
Should I move on or continue standing
Could I ever give what I so desire in return
Or in the future will my soul burn
Will I miss you if I go this way
Could I ever know what I've missed
Or have I already seen the bliss
I've had my trials and tribulations
But life is all about experiences
Could I ever believe that you'd fall in love with me
Could I ever
Give and be all that you need
I am more than what you think you know
More than just a gentle soul
I have a heart that is ready
To show the world
The gift I so possess inside
Could I ever be
All that you need

The Mystery of Me

The mystery is my simplicity
I flow like a river
Not too fast not too slow
Just enough so you can get the feel of
The rhythm of my groove theory
Embracing my hips as if they were designed for the palm of your hands
Tasting my lips as if they were as sweet as honey
Not even a drop left
My sway is to the beat of your heart and the thump of your soul
Simplicity is the mystery of me
Trying to gather my composure of you
So that when you play the notes
I won't miss a beat
The in the out
The fast the slow
The mystery of me
Simplicity

What's Your Impression Left

And so you've closed your eyes for the last time
Breathing your last breath
What was your Impression Left
Did you make people smile
Fill someone's ♥​ with love
Did you give a lending shoulder
For tears to shed on
An open ear for conversation
To console or cheer on
What's your Impression Left
Did you open your ♥​ to those in need
To those who've wronged you
To those who were unable to speak
Did you put yourself aside
Lend a helping hand
Give when it was needed
What was your Impression Left
Life is only but a one time performance
Here today, gone tomorrow
Will the things you do and give
Allow people to remember you
So I ask of myself and you
What's your impression left

Not Take For Granted

Time does not stop for anyone
The choices you make are consequences of a lifetime
The words that you say
Cannot be taken back
Time does not stop for anyone
We always think we may have so much time
So we put off what we need to say
Put off what we need to do
And then you look up and time has stopped for you
You never had a chance to say what you needed to say
Or do what you needed to do
And so now that person you left behind
Doesn't know the truth
Say what you need to say
Do what you need to do
Time does not wait for anyone

"You Are Not Alone"

I'm just gonna speak freely from my ♥​. No rhyme, rhythm or flow. Yesterday we lost a great musical icon. Micheal Jackson has been a part of my whole childhood. I loved him because of his musical genius that he shared with the world. He has been involved in many stages of my life and part of my reason of loving music so much. I was ♥​ broken but I know God doesn't make mistakes. I can never say how great his music is/was or how many people he has inspired. No matter his troubles and the changes he went through, it never took away from his ability to give us what we needed from him....music! He was known all over the world and how many people can say they have accomplished this in their lifetime. I hope he is at peace and now performing in the heavens as he has on Earth. He will be greatly missed and his children were so very blessed to have him as a father. No matter what happens now or later, he will forever live in my ♥​!

In This House

The sound of his voice
Excites me
Moves me
Stirs me up
In ways I've never known
To hold his face within my hands
To be caressed by his gentleness
Is all my ♥​ has ever desired
He has no idea
The depth of my feelings for him
The magnitude of the power of just one thought
The desire within me to give him my all
Nurture him
Take care of him
Love him
He will be my everything
My soul yearns to connect with him
To be made as whole
Dwelling as one in the house of the Lord
I am learning even more patience through
Our journey of becoming one
My ♥​, mind, body and soul
Only desire him
He will be my everything
He will be all that I need
All that I desire
My cup will runneth over
He will be my everything
And in the house of the Lord
We will dwell
He will be my everything
No one else compares to him
No one else can take his place
He is all that I need
He is my everything

Happy Father's Day!!

Today we celebrate all the men who are Father's to their children or someone else's children. Some of us are single parents and the father's of our children aren't involved in their lives but that doesn't mean we shouldn't pay tribute to those who are. In these times it is hard to be a parent and those who work hard to provide for their family should be acknowledged. I am grateful for all the friends I have who are great father's/dad's to their children. I hope they continue to be a strong presence in their children's lives. So my hat goes off to all the Father's who maintain their postion in life....May God bless you now and always!

Value Yourself

Today I listened to a speaker who spoke on the way women carry themselves.
We don't place value on the gift God has given us to procreate and bring life into the world.
Don't get me wrong, I too have given into the temptations of flesh thinking that what he was selling was worth me buying
A real man with real intentions will not require you to devalue yourself.
He should be willing to add value to you.
So when you choose to involve yourself with someone of the opposite sex, you have the right to decide if he'll value or devalue your life.
The gift you have shouldn't be taken lightly or given to just anyone.
We sometimes think that if we don't give into what the man is asking, he will no longer desire us.
If he wants to get to know the real you, that will be the farthest thing from his mind.
He'll want to get to know you before "getting" to know you.
The media has a great influence on how we carry ourselves but never promoting the right way to carry ourselves
So no one will value you, unless you value yourself first and the most precious gift God has given you.
I say again, a real man will add value not devalue you.
Value yourself no matter how hard it may seem.
In the end, you'll be glad you did.

Reflections June 20, 2009

Today I went to a seminar entitled "The State of The Black Family" and heard Minister Farrakhan speak for the first time. Funny how I allowed the views of someone else to prevent me from ever hearing him speak until now. Of course everything he had to say applied to my life in some kind of way. It has opened my curiosity up into whatever else he has spoken about. Sometimes you can miss out on something wonderful being closed minded. I also believe that maybe I wouldn't have been receptive to what he had to say early on and this was the time I needed to hear him. I am making some changes in my life that will bring my relationship with God closer and he keeps putting me in places to help expedite the move. I realize some things will get into my path and try to detour my journey but this time around I will not allow my journey to be misguided. God has spoken unto my ♥​ and I know what I must do. I know my gift is a gift he has given me to inspire others and I am workin towards doing so.

Funny How

Funny how some people want something when they can't have it but don't want it when they can.
Tried to keep it real as best as I know how but yet and still others don't know how.
Not being honest about things in their life
Thinking it's okay to add another person to the mix
Just to see if they can get that first time hit
Not once thinking there will be a time
When they're no longer on a person's mind
Moving on to the next level
Don't have time for drama and trouble
Only have one life to live
I'd rather give to those who mean well
And the rest can go to hell
Don't misunderstand I'm nor angry or sad
Just not gonna allow people to keep treatin me bad
Everyone deserves what they're worth and nobody should treat anyone like dirt
For what you put out there comes back to you and it may not come as you expect it to
So do unto others as you'll have them do unto you
It's a simple basic golden rule

It's Been Awhile

For a moment I tried to escape the reality
Tried to deny what my ♥​ has been telling me
Even still when I thought I'd had enough
And I wanted to be set free
My thoughts always came back to you and me
The more I tried to deny
My feelings for you
The more I realized the truth
No one else compares to you
Our level of connection
Is deeper than I've ever known
My life would be missing something
If I no longer knew you
I cannot contain what I know to be true
How deeply I care and am still feeling you
I thought our time came and went
Or the fear to commit
To a unique connection we both share
Which sometimes gives us hesitation
Of the unknown purpose of our paths crossing
No matter how long fate takes
Our purpose in life
Is revealed day by day
No matter what the future holds
Truth be told
My world wouldn't be the same
Without you in it
And so once again
I wanted to express myself to you
It was something I needed to do

Cleaning House

Old things made anew
Had to find a way to get rid of you
You brought all your baggage from your past
Expecting me to carry your trash
The past is the past
Leave it there
For this is a new house
Letting sunshine in
Giving new meaning to keeping it clean
I cannot carry your burden or emotions weighed in
The past is the past
Leave it there
Time to move on
Clean this house
As it was
Before you came along
I can't clean your windows
If you're still looking wit a heavy ♥​
And malice on your mind
The past is the past
Leave it there

Keepin On

My ♥​ will ache for a little while
But my spirit will not be weighed down
I am stronger than I give myself credit for
I am not wrong for expressing myself
For still believing in Love
And wanting to experience all it has to offer
I realize I am cut from a different cloth
And God designed me special
My soul mate has already been revealed
It is not yet our season
Soon our time will come
I will wait for him
Nobody else will make me feel the way he does
He completes me
One day soon
We will be made whole

if you only knew

Many days go by
My thoughts always.
Come back to you
I maintain my emotions
Many times not sure
How I feel
We've connected on so many levels
But yet seem so far apart
Life without u wouldn't be the same
Something I knew from the start
Alas I do whatever is necessary
To have you in my life
Whether it be as a friend
Or partner for life
If only you knew
How deeply I care for you
If only you knew
Life wouldn't be the same without you
If only you knew
You have a special place in my ♥​
If only you knew
I've loved you from the start
If only you knew

The ♥​ speaks but the mind won't listen

Funny thing my mind tried to tell her the other day
That love don't live here anymore
But my ♥​ begged to differ
Sayin it lives just buried a little deeper to prevent me
From being broken
My mind said "How many times do you have to be broken just to see, love don't live here anymore?"
My ♥​ refused to listen to my mind no matter how many past memories were displayed
My ♥​ held strong and excepted that some experiences weren't always good but the good ones out weighed the bad
The ♥​ speaks but the mind won't listen
Clouded by the good, the bad and some in-betweens
But my ♥​ remains clear and always open to what the world has to offer

From My Perspective

I am always to the best of my ability about and promoting positive energy. Even in that aspect there are times that experiences have surfaced that aren't positive and thus require me to vent. I feel that most people would like to have someone in their life that they can share themselves with. Someone to lean on for whatever the reason. Someone who compliments them and has their best interest at ♥​. Of course this is just my opinion but I don't believe I am that far off. Then there are people who have had one or many negative experiences that have caused them to feel the need to shut down emotionally and try to protect their ♥​ and feelings. That is quite understandable but it should not mean you can mistreat or mislead other people who aren't caught up in your protection time. For example the person who's only about sticking and moving but doesn't feel the need to share this information with the person or persons they are entertaining involvement with. They give off the appearance that they would like to be involved but just not exclusively with the person they are currently having this conversation with. Thing is this conversation has taken place with other people and maybe that day even. This to me is an act of selfishness. So not only are you misleading the person, you are also giving them false hope and wasting their time that could be spent on something more productive. The thing is some people are only looking for a stick n move type situation and being up front may just surprise you. Not being up front could result in not quite so favorable results. The one thing that remains constant is you reap what u sow! So you have to be willing to accept what you'll get back based on what you've put out. Personally this type of person irks the crap out of me cause they try to be slick and don't care who gets hurt just as long as they get what they need or want. But it takes all kind to make the world go around. Next is the person who already has a full plate but finds the need to add more as if what they already have going on isn't enough. This person to me is jus down right greedy and selfish. If you've already got a bunch of open relationships that you can hardly maintain, why try to add more. In the long run you only end up hurting yourself because you wear yourself down trying to keep up with a bunch of different people. More than likely in the end you'll end up alone cause you'll lose yourself in all the madness. There's the person who is emotionally unavailable and hasn't quite healed from a previous experience but still gets involved while bringing past issues with them. Then placing expectations on a person who has nothing to do with what has happened in the past. In retrospect being honest about this may get favorable results. Some people if they genuinely want to be with you are willing to work with you while helping you deal with and get over past experiences. The thing is they have to know beforehand so that they can prepare for the road they have ahead of them.
Although there are so many other types of things people do to other people that aren't on the up n up, these are the one's that I hear about or have experienced the most. I believe in being upfront and honest with a person explaining where I am coming from. I can't honestly say I have always been but past experiences have taught me that it is the best way to do things. Maybe some will be offended by my thoughts and if so, it should make you wonder why. This however is all in my opinion and from experiences of my own or that have been shared with me. I do believe that everyone wants love and to be loved but they need to find a way to open their hearts and let love in....fear out.