I Still Believe

Thus far in my 34 years of life I have had my experiences with love. Some have been positive, some have been negative but I have always to the best of my ability tried to take something positive or useful from my experiences. It took me a moment to get to that place but wouldn't change anything about the journey. Yet I hear so many say they have given up or don't need a companion in their life to achieve a certain level of happiness and I wonder how can that be when the way of nature dictates otherwise. In every species there is a mate! Even in some inanimate objects there is a male and female connection. (In some cases, there is a same of the same connection if that's what floats your boat) I believe that we were not designed to live our lives alone but that so many of us fear the "what ifs" that we won't allow someone in. Yet deep down inside we yearn for a certain type of connection that is only made to share with a particular one. Love is not confined to one way of thinking or what society dictates. Love to me is an evolving opportunity to reach within the depths of your soul and allow someone to see your weaknesses, your strengths, your good side, your bad side, your fears, your confidence and the chance to nakedly expose the true nature of your being and knowing that, that person is still willing to accept you for who you are flaws and all. In everything I have experienced, I still believe that each and everyone of us has another who not only connects with us but completes us as well but we can't allow fear, pain, anger or past negative experiences to prevent us from experiencing the true meaning of Love.

Material Girl

I am not a material girl
Not caught up in a material world
They can take all my worldly goods
Cause if I can't have u, I have nothing
You are the beginning to my end
You are the calm in the storm
You are the fire in my soul
Cars, money, houses
Don't represent me
It's what's on the inside
I want people to see
I'm content just being a hippie
Making the world
My canvas
My exploration
My expression of self-love
Cause when it's all said and done
Nobody will remember what you have or had
They'll remember how you treated them
If you gave a dam
Or were you selfish
Self involved
Never lending a helping hand
I'm not a material girl
Not caught up in a material world
All I need is you
Helping me paint the world
With our love

I AM

I am beautiful
I am sweet
I am happy
I am sunny
I am sad
I am the best thing that ever happened to you
I am your worst nightmare
I am caramel with a touch of milk chocolate
I am a gift wrapped up with a nice bow
I am a storm raging within
I am the calm after the storm
I am peace
I am chaos
I am joy
I am solitude
I am sexy
I am all natural
I am free spirited
I am confident
I am giving
I am LOVE

Day 3 into 2010

Last year I made a resolution to write something everyday on my blog. Whether it be poetry or just some random thoughts. This year I decided I would write when I was moved to write because for one thing the flow just seemed better and secondly, it makes much more sense, well to me at least. Three days in and I have done one of the things I said I would start doing last year...just carried it over into this year. If I don't agree with what someone says and it emotionally affects me, I am going to let that person know. I am passive-aggressive, non-confrontational, and easy going which is fine by me but sometimes I don't speak what I feel in order to keep the peace. This in turn causes me to hold on to feelings that I shouldn't have if I just speak what I feel. The good thing is I take a moment and think (analyze for those who really know me) before I speak my mind or from my heart. This way not only do I get to express myself but I don't say anything I feel I will regret later. So far this has worked in a positive way and although it may have caused some hurt feelings on either person's part, it opened even more lines of communication. I realize that this newly way of expressing myself may not always have a positive outcome but at least I will not be carrying around emotional stress that could later on lead to unwanted health issues. Stress is a silent killer that many of us are unaware of and should be made aware of and dealt with as much as possible. With all that being said....Happy New Year and may this one be your best year yet!!!

So There Goes 2009

I can't believe how fast '09 has gone by. I remember when I was younger and a year seemed like a lifetime but now it's almost like the blink of an eye. I have had some good and some not so good moments this year but they have all been a great experience to add more character to me. I use to make resolutions but never was able to stick with them so instead I have set personal goals aside that I would hope to complete. These goals aren't a must do but they are somethings I hope to do to enhance my life. My passion for writing never seems to die and I started off very strong in the beginning of the year but some life experiences cause me to slow my writing down. That is something I plan to change no matter how tired or uninterested I may be. It is a fire that burns in me constantly and I need to feed it as much as possible. I also love reading so I plan to do more of that. I will allow the passions of my life to be more of a priority in my life. Next year is and will be a better year because I will make it so. I also hope that whatever you decide or have planned for 2010....you will succeed beyond your wildest dreams. Time is what you make so make the best of it. Happy New Year and may 2010 be a blast.

Merry Christmas

I haven't written anything in a couple of weeks mostly due to life being hectic but I wanted to take this time to write something for this special time of year. Many of us have family and friends to spend this time with and are very blessed to be able to do such. Please take the time to think of those who are sick, shut-in or don't have family to spend this day with and make some time for them. This isn't just about giving and getting gifts but also about sharing, caring and being with loved ones and those who don't have loved ones. I hope that all of you are able to enjoy your holiday season and that it leaves a warm and cozy feeling in your heart! Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

In The Still Of The Moment

Have you ever sat quietly still
Listening to the voice of your heart
As it quietly speaks of yearning for
Love and passion
Fire in their eyes
Every time you walk by
This need
This desire
That has to be met
Have you ever sat quietly
Letting your heart, mind, body, and soul communicate as one
I need that
Gotta have that
Desire that
Want that
Would almost die for that
Harmony in my soul
A love of my own
Where time stands still
When I want it to
Stands still so as to watch you
As you sleep
The way your lips curve as you dream
The way your hands reach out for me
In your sleep
The way your eyes shift
From vivid dreams
Probably remembering
Last night's sexual fantasy reality
That gave you the orgasm
To put you fast asleep
Still in all your deep slumber
You reach out for me
Pull me close
Whisper gently softly
That we are connected
Mind, body, heart, and soul

Randomness of writer's block

i can't believe all these thoughts floating around in my head
but I can't make them come together to create a sound
a sound of music melody from my heart
sending vibrations to the drums of your ear
there are days when I want to write until my fingers fall off
then there are days when I can't even get my mind right
there are days when I am lost...or at a loss for words
days when there is an over-flow
and then days when I just can't just can't get right
but the writer in me the passion in me
only allows this to last for so long
even if the words don't rhyme
they make sense to me and
that is the most important part right
of course i would prefer if you'd be moved
maybe inspired to spill your soul
onto this blank canvas we call paper
computer screen or where ever you feel the need
to place words on

If You

If you care for me
I will care for you
If you love me
I will love you
If you back me
I will back you
But if you screw me over
I will ask God to forgive you
And keep my distance from you
But still love you just the same
I don't give because I have to
I give because God gives to me
If you cannot appreciate the genuine
Friendship or love that I offer
You don't deserve me anyway
For I am a gift within itself
But you have to be special enough
To open and reveal the beauty that is held within

Are You Feeling Me

My heart's playing tricks on me
Making me believe in alternate realities
Are you really feeling me
Or is it the orgasm
I give you when I put my mouth there
The warmth you say drives you crazy
But are you really feeling me
Can you see the fire of passion in my eyes
Or are you blinded by only your desire
Can you feel the gentleness in my touch
Notice how it isn't rushed
Are you really feeling me
My mind tells me it's a figment of
My imagination
This possibility of you and me
Living in love and all its possibilities
It's only an alternate reality
Of you really feeling me

all that glitters ain't gold

All that glitters ain't gold
Just cause I sparkle doesn't mean
You should be sold
In the beginning I'm shiny and new
But after it begins to wear off
My true colors shine through
The mask comes off
My smile becomes a frown
And the bitterness
Consumes your soul
All that glitters ain't gold
I'm now no longer new
Just old
Consumed your youth
Your dreams
Your hopes
Love you once knew
I am the grim reaper
Here to steal
Your soul
So live everyday
As if it's your last
Cause when I come
Knocking at your door
There will be only one thing
I'll take hold
Nothing you can say
Will change my mind
Or cause me to look the other way
For I am the Grim Reaper
Here to steal your soul

Stained Tears

Tears stained her pillow
She couldn't feel the pain anymore
But yet when she thought of him
Her anger was no longer her issue
She knew he was the root
Of all her pain
But she refused to give him claim
She refused to allow him to think
He had the power to
Prevent her from living
She couldn't give him the
Satisfaction
Of conquering her soul
She's moved on
Found a new lover
One who saw past his pain
Saw her for whom she was
Nothing more
Nothing less
Tears stained her pillow
Nor longer tears of sorrow
Alas tears of joy

Insomnia

My mind wanders
My eyes need slumber
My body needs tender
Roughness
That brings me to levels
Of pure ecstasy
The feel of him deeply inside me
Not gently
Roughly
Bringing me to climax
After climax
As beads of sweat
Run down the small of my back
Between my thighs
The mixture of our
Juices
Fills the room with the scent of
Sex
Roughness
Bringing me, him to pure
Ecstasy
He's finding that spot from behind
I slowly grind
Knees weak
From him thrusting
Deeply inside me
Insomnia
Finding me

He Danced With Me

With his hand in my hand, he embraced me for the very first time as his wife. I was in my wedding gown and him in his tux. I never thought we would make it to this point. The beginning was a rough start but my heart wouldn’t give up. I knew he was the one, just didn’t know when our love would take place. When I closed my eyes sometimes, I would see us dancing and I knew that it had to be more than a dream. Time was only waiting for the two of us to get it together. The record began to play and as the sound of Lifehouse’s “Everything” began to blast from the speakers, my heart began to skip a beat as he attempted to sing the lyrics in my ear. Tears filled my eyes and as they rolled down my face, I reached a level of happiness I had never known before. Many of the guest looked surprised because they were unfamiliar with the song but as they listened to the lyrics, they realized that it fit the moment perfectly. I struggled many times with this song because I knew it represented everything that I ever felt for him but had doubts he would ever open up enough to see that the love I had inside my heart was only for him. He was my "Everything" and now I could spend the rest of my life showing him.

101st

So this is my 101st post and I can't believe I have written so many post. Today is also Sweetest Day and I think it should be for the men but that is my opinion. There are a lot of men out there who do good by and for the person in their life and don't get recognized enough for it. So if you have that kind of guy in your life, today is a good day to show him just how much he means to you. Men are known not to show their emotions but I am sure that sometimes they would like to be ravished and spoiled as they do for us. If you don't have a sweetie then today would be a good day to spoil and ravish your own self. It's all about love and it is something we need and should make a priority in our lives and so sometimes you have to go out of the way to show such emotion. You never know just what you may get in return. As I always say, love is the ultimate self-expression, so go out and express.

Untitled

It's all a mirage
What you see
Isn't what you get
Broken in many pieces
And no one has put me back together yet
It's my own fault
For believing in shit
That doesn't really exist
Yet just when I think
The reality of it all is to be
My mind plays tricks on me
My heart goes along
Only cause it doesn't know any better
Been sold a pipe dream
Off someone else's history
But yet my reality is the
Possibility of never seeing you again
And you moving along
Breaking into pieces
Cause I'm not there
To give you the glue
To hold it all together
Yet my mind tells my heart
And it easily follows
It doesn't know any better
Yet the pieces began to form
They gather into a shape
And alas time
Has made me whole once again

Only In My Dreams

I thought I was done
Finally over you
But when I close my eyes
My heart still finds you
Yearns for you
I feel your hands all over my body
My lips savoring the taste of you
But only in my dreams do I find you
I wake up moist between my thighs
From dreams of you inside
Giving me thrusts of pleasure I've only known
For a short while
It almost seems real
Until I open my eyes
And you aren't beside me
Fast asleep from all
The night before activity
Yet for a few moments
I bask in an afterglow
Of the physical we shared
Only moments ago
It's as if my heart and mind are playing tricks on me
Making me believe in a reality
That no longer exist for you and me
So when I close my eyes
And fall fast asleep
I will only see you in my dreams

Those Lovely Locs Of Mine

It's the intricate weave of twisted strands
Moving so effortlessly in the wind
They neither make me nor break me
Just add compliments to my skin
My hands have a constant love affair
Discovering new places to get lost in
From beginning to end
Those lovely locs of mine
Never would I have thought
They would give me such pleasure
And at times such pain
But yet they are one of the many features
That defines who I am
They are bold in color
Come in many shapes and forms
They neither make me nor break me
More apart of who I am
They are like the crown
Of distant travels past
Embraced in the present
Celebrated in the future
Those lovely locs of mine

Randomness

Have you ever listened to a song and it took you back to a place that made you feel warm inside, caused you fear, or brought a smile to your face? What was it about that song that just made you feel so good, not so good or brought a smile to your face? I talk about music on occasion because it always gives me some kind of emotion that I can either feed off of and write or a moment that is only for me to feel and experience. It is to me one of the many powerful instruments we have today that can gather a crowd, move an audience or even change the world. So what song takes you back to a special place in your life when everything seemed to be in sync and nothing else in the world mattered? Right now at this very moment which is 2:17 pm, on this 3rd day of October I am listening to music from the 70's which has a disco feel to it and doesn't actually remind me of a moment in my life but early days of my childhood when this music was quite popular. The song I am listening to is "Can you feel the force". Never heard it before today but it is sometimes for me nice to go outside the box and listen to something I wouldn't normally listen to. I am a fan of all music and as I have said today and many times before, life without music would be a hard life to live.

Maybe That's Why

I always wondered why God didn't bless me with a son
He knew I'd worry about his everyday safety to and from
He's just a baby trying to find his way but yet having to battle for his life everyday
Causing me gray hairs and wrinkles before my time
Only cause I wanna protect what's mine
Yet I know he has to grow up and be a man
But how can he if I'm trying to shield him from everything
He's my baby and that's what I'd say
And he'd just tell me I'm gettin in his way
But I wanna protect what's mine
But he has to learn on his own in due time
But the lessons are above his head
And he isn't fully equipped yet
Nobody told him his peers of the same age
Would or could be the cause of his demise one day
But yet when he looks in my eyes and say's it'll be okay
I'm praying he'll return home that day
Cause he's my baby and I gotta protect what's mine
So I guess that's why a son wasn't in my design