But God Needed Him Most

There are days that I still get misty eyed
That my heart aches
That I can't understand why
God needed him more than I
Yes time has passed by
But it hasn't made my missing him any less
There are moments when I forget
But then reality sets in 
And once again I realize that God needed him most
I don't know if it'll ever go away
But a small part of me died that day
When God decided his job "Well Done, my Good and Faithful servant". 
I am being selfish I guess
It was suppose to only be for a little while that his presence
embraced my life
I have known him my entire lifetime
This void, not an easy cross to bear
But God needed him most
And mistakes he does not make
Just wasn't quite prepared
To lose the first man I ever loved
Who's seen me at my worst
Praised me at my best
Never loved me any less
When my choices didn't fit his
Or when I made mistakes
But God needed him most
Although my heart still aches
And I miss him so
I know that God's got him
And when that time comes
I will see him again
But God needed him most

These Rough Times

On July 25th not long after midnight...one of my greatest fears came to life. God decided it was time to call my Daddy home. In those few moments of coming into realization, it was as if someone had knocked the wind out of me. Took my heart, stomped all over it and then afterwards handing it back to me as if there was no damage. The fear of knowing I would never see him again and that my Momma lost her best friend, seemed unbearable. But my faith in God is what kept me from falling through, you know going into that darkness that might take some time in padded rooms to pull back through. I can't say that this experience hasn't been tough and that some days I want to give up but the thing that keeps me going is knowing how much my Daddy loved God and the peace...wonderful peace that I saw on him that early morning. True I took some of our moments for granted but it did not mean I loved him any less. For if it were not for him....my life may have ended up in such a mess....children need their fathers...they are the key to helping us grow into productive adults. He could have turned his back on us....but he didn't. Through all the ups n downs.....he was always there. He sacrificed when he didn't have to. Although on this Earth I will never get to hold his hand, have a long conversation, kiss his cheek, or just say "I love you", I know that when God calls me home....my Daddy will be there waiting on me with open arms, and that is something to look forward to!!


R.I.P. Rev. Stephen Michael Webb
Sunrise: March 30, 1942
Sunset: July 25th, 2011
A Solider For The Lord
Love you forever

Excuse Me...Is This Thing On...

I need to get something off my chest

Yea I was selling myself a dream that I thought was a reality

Once thought it believed in me

When in actuality

It was my misconception of reality

It's just a fantasy 

Until I make it real

But I had to believe from with in

That I could once love again

I've lived my whole life with the theory

That love can be a beautiful thing

But hadn't loved myself enough

To know that it started with me

If I wanted some one to love me unconditionally 

I had to love me in all my flaws and positivity

Life is too short to compromise 

On yourself

With someone who doesn't recognize your worth

Takes you for granted

Makes you feel like ish

When in reality

They expect you to deal with 

Their insecurities 

There are others

Who will love you

Give to you

Believe in you

Reach for the Sun and if they could

Give it to you

So why settle for less

When you deserve

The best

Doesn't matter what she said

What he said

Know your worth

Allow that negativity to be dead

Love is a reality

Not a fantasy

But you gotta know your 

Worth

So you can have it unconditionally 

~Happy New Year~

This year I decided resolutions were no longer required. Living life is what I am going to do today, tomorrow, and every moment I have air in my lungs. God has blessed me. He knows me better than I know myself and last year he showed me what he can do! I am a simple girl. Don't need no fancy car, house, diamonds or jewels, all I need is love. Jumped through some hoops, bended some rules, gave more than I should have and yet it wasn't quite what love was suppose to look like. I thought it was but I was sadly mistaken. I almost gave up, threw in the towel and contemplated letting that part of me die a slow quiet death. Funny thing is, I am not designed like that. I was created in love, with love and through love so how can I not love? My mind was made up, my heart wasn't quite sure but God stepped in when I least expected him to and showed me there was no reason to give up. My time was coming and he hadn't brought me this far to leave me. I had my doubts though. I put on my shield and went into battle, only to realize I was fighting with myself. That didn't make sense, didn't seem like the right thing to do so I threw in the towel. Stored my armor hoping to never put it on again. This time I decided I was going to let God fight my battle and he showed me I didn't have to fight anymore cause what he had for me was for me and there was no need for me to worry. With 2011 here, I decided I will live more, love harder, laugh longer, give stronger and speak from my heart and soul. With God as my guide, I can't go wrong!!

Happy New Year and may this year bring you so much more than before.
Live, Love and Laugh.
~Peace and Blessings~
SoulGroovy