So There Goes 2009

I can't believe how fast '09 has gone by. I remember when I was younger and a year seemed like a lifetime but now it's almost like the blink of an eye. I have had some good and some not so good moments this year but they have all been a great experience to add more character to me. I use to make resolutions but never was able to stick with them so instead I have set personal goals aside that I would hope to complete. These goals aren't a must do but they are somethings I hope to do to enhance my life. My passion for writing never seems to die and I started off very strong in the beginning of the year but some life experiences cause me to slow my writing down. That is something I plan to change no matter how tired or uninterested I may be. It is a fire that burns in me constantly and I need to feed it as much as possible. I also love reading so I plan to do more of that. I will allow the passions of my life to be more of a priority in my life. Next year is and will be a better year because I will make it so. I also hope that whatever you decide or have planned for 2010....you will succeed beyond your wildest dreams. Time is what you make so make the best of it. Happy New Year and may 2010 be a blast.

Merry Christmas

I haven't written anything in a couple of weeks mostly due to life being hectic but I wanted to take this time to write something for this special time of year. Many of us have family and friends to spend this time with and are very blessed to be able to do such. Please take the time to think of those who are sick, shut-in or don't have family to spend this day with and make some time for them. This isn't just about giving and getting gifts but also about sharing, caring and being with loved ones and those who don't have loved ones. I hope that all of you are able to enjoy your holiday season and that it leaves a warm and cozy feeling in your heart! Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

In The Still Of The Moment

Have you ever sat quietly still
Listening to the voice of your heart
As it quietly speaks of yearning for
Love and passion
Fire in their eyes
Every time you walk by
This need
This desire
That has to be met
Have you ever sat quietly
Letting your heart, mind, body, and soul communicate as one
I need that
Gotta have that
Desire that
Want that
Would almost die for that
Harmony in my soul
A love of my own
Where time stands still
When I want it to
Stands still so as to watch you
As you sleep
The way your lips curve as you dream
The way your hands reach out for me
In your sleep
The way your eyes shift
From vivid dreams
Probably remembering
Last night's sexual fantasy reality
That gave you the orgasm
To put you fast asleep
Still in all your deep slumber
You reach out for me
Pull me close
Whisper gently softly
That we are connected
Mind, body, heart, and soul

Randomness of writer's block

i can't believe all these thoughts floating around in my head
but I can't make them come together to create a sound
a sound of music melody from my heart
sending vibrations to the drums of your ear
there are days when I want to write until my fingers fall off
then there are days when I can't even get my mind right
there are days when I am lost...or at a loss for words
days when there is an over-flow
and then days when I just can't just can't get right
but the writer in me the passion in me
only allows this to last for so long
even if the words don't rhyme
they make sense to me and
that is the most important part right
of course i would prefer if you'd be moved
maybe inspired to spill your soul
onto this blank canvas we call paper
computer screen or where ever you feel the need
to place words on

If You

If you care for me
I will care for you
If you love me
I will love you
If you back me
I will back you
But if you screw me over
I will ask God to forgive you
And keep my distance from you
But still love you just the same
I don't give because I have to
I give because God gives to me
If you cannot appreciate the genuine
Friendship or love that I offer
You don't deserve me anyway
For I am a gift within itself
But you have to be special enough
To open and reveal the beauty that is held within

Are You Feeling Me

My heart's playing tricks on me
Making me believe in alternate realities
Are you really feeling me
Or is it the orgasm
I give you when I put my mouth there
The warmth you say drives you crazy
But are you really feeling me
Can you see the fire of passion in my eyes
Or are you blinded by only your desire
Can you feel the gentleness in my touch
Notice how it isn't rushed
Are you really feeling me
My mind tells me it's a figment of
My imagination
This possibility of you and me
Living in love and all its possibilities
It's only an alternate reality
Of you really feeling me

all that glitters ain't gold

All that glitters ain't gold
Just cause I sparkle doesn't mean
You should be sold
In the beginning I'm shiny and new
But after it begins to wear off
My true colors shine through
The mask comes off
My smile becomes a frown
And the bitterness
Consumes your soul
All that glitters ain't gold
I'm now no longer new
Just old
Consumed your youth
Your dreams
Your hopes
Love you once knew
I am the grim reaper
Here to steal
Your soul
So live everyday
As if it's your last
Cause when I come
Knocking at your door
There will be only one thing
I'll take hold
Nothing you can say
Will change my mind
Or cause me to look the other way
For I am the Grim Reaper
Here to steal your soul

Stained Tears

Tears stained her pillow
She couldn't feel the pain anymore
But yet when she thought of him
Her anger was no longer her issue
She knew he was the root
Of all her pain
But she refused to give him claim
She refused to allow him to think
He had the power to
Prevent her from living
She couldn't give him the
Satisfaction
Of conquering her soul
She's moved on
Found a new lover
One who saw past his pain
Saw her for whom she was
Nothing more
Nothing less
Tears stained her pillow
Nor longer tears of sorrow
Alas tears of joy

Insomnia

My mind wanders
My eyes need slumber
My body needs tender
Roughness
That brings me to levels
Of pure ecstasy
The feel of him deeply inside me
Not gently
Roughly
Bringing me to climax
After climax
As beads of sweat
Run down the small of my back
Between my thighs
The mixture of our
Juices
Fills the room with the scent of
Sex
Roughness
Bringing me, him to pure
Ecstasy
He's finding that spot from behind
I slowly grind
Knees weak
From him thrusting
Deeply inside me
Insomnia
Finding me

He Danced With Me

With his hand in my hand, he embraced me for the very first time as his wife. I was in my wedding gown and him in his tux. I never thought we would make it to this point. The beginning was a rough start but my heart wouldn’t give up. I knew he was the one, just didn’t know when our love would take place. When I closed my eyes sometimes, I would see us dancing and I knew that it had to be more than a dream. Time was only waiting for the two of us to get it together. The record began to play and as the sound of Lifehouse’s “Everything” began to blast from the speakers, my heart began to skip a beat as he attempted to sing the lyrics in my ear. Tears filled my eyes and as they rolled down my face, I reached a level of happiness I had never known before. Many of the guest looked surprised because they were unfamiliar with the song but as they listened to the lyrics, they realized that it fit the moment perfectly. I struggled many times with this song because I knew it represented everything that I ever felt for him but had doubts he would ever open up enough to see that the love I had inside my heart was only for him. He was my "Everything" and now I could spend the rest of my life showing him.

101st

So this is my 101st post and I can't believe I have written so many post. Today is also Sweetest Day and I think it should be for the men but that is my opinion. There are a lot of men out there who do good by and for the person in their life and don't get recognized enough for it. So if you have that kind of guy in your life, today is a good day to show him just how much he means to you. Men are known not to show their emotions but I am sure that sometimes they would like to be ravished and spoiled as they do for us. If you don't have a sweetie then today would be a good day to spoil and ravish your own self. It's all about love and it is something we need and should make a priority in our lives and so sometimes you have to go out of the way to show such emotion. You never know just what you may get in return. As I always say, love is the ultimate self-expression, so go out and express.

Untitled

It's all a mirage
What you see
Isn't what you get
Broken in many pieces
And no one has put me back together yet
It's my own fault
For believing in shit
That doesn't really exist
Yet just when I think
The reality of it all is to be
My mind plays tricks on me
My heart goes along
Only cause it doesn't know any better
Been sold a pipe dream
Off someone else's history
But yet my reality is the
Possibility of never seeing you again
And you moving along
Breaking into pieces
Cause I'm not there
To give you the glue
To hold it all together
Yet my mind tells my heart
And it easily follows
It doesn't know any better
Yet the pieces began to form
They gather into a shape
And alas time
Has made me whole once again

Only In My Dreams

I thought I was done
Finally over you
But when I close my eyes
My heart still finds you
Yearns for you
I feel your hands all over my body
My lips savoring the taste of you
But only in my dreams do I find you
I wake up moist between my thighs
From dreams of you inside
Giving me thrusts of pleasure I've only known
For a short while
It almost seems real
Until I open my eyes
And you aren't beside me
Fast asleep from all
The night before activity
Yet for a few moments
I bask in an afterglow
Of the physical we shared
Only moments ago
It's as if my heart and mind are playing tricks on me
Making me believe in a reality
That no longer exist for you and me
So when I close my eyes
And fall fast asleep
I will only see you in my dreams

Those Lovely Locs Of Mine

It's the intricate weave of twisted strands
Moving so effortlessly in the wind
They neither make me nor break me
Just add compliments to my skin
My hands have a constant love affair
Discovering new places to get lost in
From beginning to end
Those lovely locs of mine
Never would I have thought
They would give me such pleasure
And at times such pain
But yet they are one of the many features
That defines who I am
They are bold in color
Come in many shapes and forms
They neither make me nor break me
More apart of who I am
They are like the crown
Of distant travels past
Embraced in the present
Celebrated in the future
Those lovely locs of mine

Randomness

Have you ever listened to a song and it took you back to a place that made you feel warm inside, caused you fear, or brought a smile to your face? What was it about that song that just made you feel so good, not so good or brought a smile to your face? I talk about music on occasion because it always gives me some kind of emotion that I can either feed off of and write or a moment that is only for me to feel and experience. It is to me one of the many powerful instruments we have today that can gather a crowd, move an audience or even change the world. So what song takes you back to a special place in your life when everything seemed to be in sync and nothing else in the world mattered? Right now at this very moment which is 2:17 pm, on this 3rd day of October I am listening to music from the 70's which has a disco feel to it and doesn't actually remind me of a moment in my life but early days of my childhood when this music was quite popular. The song I am listening to is "Can you feel the force". Never heard it before today but it is sometimes for me nice to go outside the box and listen to something I wouldn't normally listen to. I am a fan of all music and as I have said today and many times before, life without music would be a hard life to live.

Maybe That's Why

I always wondered why God didn't bless me with a son
He knew I'd worry about his everyday safety to and from
He's just a baby trying to find his way but yet having to battle for his life everyday
Causing me gray hairs and wrinkles before my time
Only cause I wanna protect what's mine
Yet I know he has to grow up and be a man
But how can he if I'm trying to shield him from everything
He's my baby and that's what I'd say
And he'd just tell me I'm gettin in his way
But I wanna protect what's mine
But he has to learn on his own in due time
But the lessons are above his head
And he isn't fully equipped yet
Nobody told him his peers of the same age
Would or could be the cause of his demise one day
But yet when he looks in my eyes and say's it'll be okay
I'm praying he'll return home that day
Cause he's my baby and I gotta protect what's mine
So I guess that's why a son wasn't in my design

If Only to Listen

My heart holds on
Even when my mind is trying to move on
It's a daily struggle
And sometimes I get weak
Because it's as if my heart has a mind of its own
She's holding on to memories
That seem more like a reality
But my mind wants to put an end
To the melodrama
Cause it feels like a waste of time
A waste of resources
But the guard is up
And no one seems to be getting through
No matter how good they may sound
My heart still holds on
My mind fights to stay in charge
It's a daily struggle
Between body, heart and soul
The winner isn't important
But unison is desired
And yet it is a daily struggle
If only to listen to what the head says
So that the heart can move on
And no longer feel the need to feel
This pain of missing you
More than you'll ever know

Sometimes

Sometimes we get caught up in the major things
Miss out on the minor things
That make up the major
Love is not complicated
But yet we make it that way
We take for granted those who are here
But yet could be gone tomorrow
Life is not a guarantee
Like when you buy a new car
Tomorrow is not promised so live for today
Don't wait to tell those that you love them
Just cause you assume you have another day
Time is always of the essence and should be cherished
Don't just live for this moment
But all the moments life has to offer
Give your best and sometimes your last
And God will always take care of you
You may not understand his method
But he always comes through in the madness
And you come out anew
And it's simply because he loves you
Sometimes we get caught up in the major
Miss out on the minor
That make up the major
Never let life, love or laughter pass you by

Not Easily Broken

My heart has had many journeys
I thought my journey would end with you
But alas you were not ready to make me your final destination
I should be crushed
Sad, can't eat, sleep, or heartbroken
But I am not easily broken
You lead me to believe in you
Feel you
Accept you as you are
Understand you
Give to you
Still you weren't quite ready
For all that I have to offer
I am not easily broken
Memories of past encounters
Still bring a smile on my face
Anger does not consume me
Passion still feels me
Unconditional love
Guides me
I am not easily broken
I shed not one tear
For I already know that
One day you're gonna wake up
Reach for me
And I'll be there
But you aren't quite ready yet
Still trying to find your way
It's okay
I understand
It's a hard thing to embrace
Someone wanting to be the ending of your beginning
To give more than you ask
And no matter what
Not easily broken
I am the yolk that makes us balanced
The ying to your yang
My heart already knows
You are the better part of me
I am the better part of you
Still I am not easily broken
When you are ready to face what was already set into place
I will be here
Arms stretched wide
Heart filled with unconditional love
For I am not easily broken

It's Not Gonna Work

You think when you're in it
It's what you want
But then you realize that your freedom
Was what you wanted all along
That you still wanna play the field
Or just make sure you're not really
Missing out on "The One"
Deep down inside you know that isn't really the reason
You're afraid of the exposure
The vulnerability of someone
Seeing the core of you
Seeing you emotionally naked
Seeing the bad and wondering about the good
The ugly side that we all have but some
Keep in check better than others
So you run and hide behind the wall of convenience
Hoping reality will not be
And you can continue playing the field
Denying your heart
Feeling lonely and confused
Because you knew he/she was "The One" from the start
But the feelings are so intense that even when you try to hide
They find you and hunt you in the middle of the night
So now you say
"I must get out"
It isn't quite so simple
The heart doesn't lie
The mind plays tricks on you
To protect the ego
But no matter how hard u fight
You cannot run from the truth of the matter
The heart always wins

It Is The Sound Of Music

When I am sad it comforts my soul
When I am happy it motivates me even more
When I am melancholy it embraces me
When I am uninspired it inspires me
It brings about the emotions that are buried so deep within
Tears when they need to fall
Smiles when they need to shine
Music comforts my soul
Gives me something to look forward to and some place to go
When there is no where else
Music helps me relate, relax and release
It is the sound that carries me through
Music is in me

It's My Birthday And It's Not Just Another Day

So on this day 34 years ago, God saw fit to allow me to have presence in his world. I know most people think that a birthday is just another day but I beg to differ. It is the one day of the year that you have the right to celebrate the existence of you and no one else can say a thing about it. I use to think it had to be made lavish and all but the fact that so many people are not fortunate to see another year, just making it here is good enough for me. I guess in my reality I make it a big deal because I feel that it is a special time of the year and that each person should have the chance to feel that specialness no matter how many other times through out the year they are allowed to. So on this day I am celebrating me and the joy of seeing another day and year. I hope that when your birthday comes you will if not already do the same thing!

Decisions

Decisons that need to be made
Don't always come easy
But yet a path less traveled
Will limit the experience
To persevere through something much harder
And then your strength will go untested
You will not see what you are really made of
Heartache, disappointment are a part of some of life's trials and tribulations
Success, survival are some of many of life's rewards
The good with the bad
Or you'll never have balance
The up and the down
Or you'll never know perseverance
Decisions that need to be made
Life is a journey
You only travel when you live

Suspended In Time

My heart objects to the idea of letting you go
My mind has already left you as you were
You don't see it yet but you're clouded by all your own issues
To notice I really do love you
I have my days when I am strong
Then there are days I am weak
But my love for you presses on
I cannot understand it
And yet I cannot deny it
That somehow you will see
Just how simple my love can be
So all the days that pass
When I do not hear from you
My love will continue to sustain for you
And when you find the need to return
I will be here for you
Because that is what real love will do

And The Conclusion Is

I wish I didn't love you
Then it wouldn't hurt so much
To walk away and not follow my ♥​
My ♥​ tells me I should stay wait it out
Because she feels you so much
But my mind is tired of the guessing game
Haven't quite figured out all the answers
But came to the conclusion that moving on
Is better for the both of us
Funny how we seem so good together
But at the same time almost a bad habit to break
A chemical reaction to love's overdose
Complications from silent thoughts
Uncertainty of positions being held in our hearts
So we travel in this cosmic circle not sure of where we belong
Too afraid to speak on it just in case we're wrong
My time is precious and I don't use it sparingly
Yet your expectations change daily
I am who I am
I feel what I feel
I will not apologize for
Believing in love and loving you
Just sorry you couldn't believe in
You and me

Maybe Next Lifetime

You have been my muse
I have loved you from the very beginning
Somehow my love is just not enough
To sustain you
So I must go on
Let you be
Maybe one day
You'll come back to me
It was simple for me
Complicated for you
Didn't have to be that way
My love was here to stay
I just wanted to love you
Share my ♥​ and soul
With you
Somehow my love is just not enough
Maybe next lifetime
We'll be
As one
Souls joined together
Forming a union
Where no man can put us
Asunder
My love will always be here for you
Maybe next lifetime
Your love will be there for me

It's In His Essence

Chocolate layers
Hands strewn across
Begging reaching for more
Long limber
Moving ever so gently

Making sure not to miss a spot
Giving flow that feels so good
Finding that spot hidden beneath

On the prowl like a lion
Searching for his prey
Wrapping his arm around your waist
Giving pleasure that's more than can be handled

Chocolate layers
Hands strewn across
Long limber
Moving ever so gently

Looking for places missed
By his lips
Giving pleasure unspoken off

Chocolate layers
Hands strewn across
Long limber
Moving ever so gently

Thoughts

While reading on the train this morning I came across a paragraph that touched me in an unexpected way. "Man was created with the woman hidden in his being. God then skillfully brings out of him that hidden part called woman. She was taken "out of him." Her removal left a void and this creates man's attraction for her. She was the softer side of him. She was his tenderness, and those emotions he couldn't share. She was the tears that would not fall, the passion he didn't allow himself to feel, and the trembling compassion that he could never express. When he makes love to her, he is actually embracing the softer side of himself. He is holding all that he is unable to say in his arms and loving it, touching it, stroking the part of his being that wishes it could be held, and if he is wise, he does it with all his strength. Tenderness, sensuality, and passion erupt when he has the knowledge that he is somehow making love to the softer side of himself." I never thought of the creation of woman in this sense. Thing is it doesn't seem like men and women embrace this theory now a days. We are so afraid to show our true selves or even our softer sides because we don't want to get hurt. Don't want to be taken advantage of, so we hide behind this shield hoping that no one can penetrate it enough to expose our vulnerabilities. How long does a person have to go on like this whether it be man or woman. Should the wall be made from brick that it would take a jack hammer to break through. Speaking for myself, I don't mind my independence but I would rather have some dependence on a man who has God in his ♥​ and love in his ♥​ than to think I can provide that all on my own. Granted it has to be in me in order for it to be recognized but I am not opposed to expressing or desiring that from a man. Of course this is how I felt the passage related to me and others may view it differently. No matter what experiences I've had or will have dealing with the opposite sex, it will never stop me from believing in love!

Why

I wanna run from the way he makes me feel
I'm not quite in control of my emotions
When it comes to him
And I wonder if he knows it
I feel so strongly for him but my fear of being hurt
Prevents me from opening up all the way
He knows some of my feelings
But the depth of them is still unknown
How is it possible that we connect in such a way
But yet have our souls become as one
He is the other part of me
The part I feel God has destined for me
But fear still lives within me
How can I say with such certainty that you are the better part of me
When there are so many roads we have yet to travel
Still I feel as if my life would be missing a great part without you
It's the truth and no matter how many times I've tried to escape it
Fate has a way of making me realize it
So why does so much time pass me by
When I could be with this or that guy
All I really want is you
And no one else will do
I can't wait forever to see the future
There comes a time when
Moving on may be better
The reality is the same
But it'd be a shame to lose you
Not ever knowing what it's like to be with you
Really be with you
It's funny how all this time has passed
And I've traveled some paths
That didn't include you
And I hate to have future journeys without you
Uncertain of the next step
Not sure if I should push further
Or leave well enough alone
But life must go on with or without you
Only you can now reveal the truth
Reveal to me what I need to do
To find myself closer to you
Tomorrow is not promised
And I can't wait forever
But I'm willing
To embark on a journey
That includes you
I promise to be gentle
Take care of your ♥​
It was always my intentions from the start
But you have to be willing to let me in
Find a place where we can began
And build on this chance that God has given us
Maybe I speak out of place
Or not in my turn
But I know what my ♥​ tells me
I know that fire that burns in my soul
Is only for you
So now it's your turn
To tell me
What you're gonna do

Randomness

Saturday I had my very first photo shoot that I was completely nervous about. Never did I expect to have so much fun nor see another side of me. The camera embraced me and I saw a beauty in myself that I hadn't noticed before.. I have always been modest and didn't believe in being vain on any kind of level. It isn't wrong I realize to believe in yourself and do allow the beauty within to add confidence to your self-esteem. In the past couple of months I have been doing some internal house cleaning! Packing away things that were no longer of importance, mean me any good or pretend to be your friend in your face but talk negative behind your back. Funny thing about that is, they've got it all wrong anyway. I have become stronger in knowing that I don't have to subject myself to negativity! I don't have to share my body or soul with someone who has no intentions on respecting me, loving me, and embracing me as I am! I deserve better than what I have allowed and will not accept anything less. I know who I am, what I can do and how far I will go so there is no need to compromise my dignity! Funny how spending hours behind a camera brings some light into other aspects of your life. I feel a strong care for someone who has been in my life but feared to speak of it directly because it may push them away. I now realize my ♥​ doesn't lie to me and through everything it has not wavered and if they cannot accept me speakin from MY ♥​ then he isn't enough for me! I always thought that speaking from my ♥​ was too much for a person to handle but I now realize it's a great gift that has helped me in so many aspects of my life. One I thank God for everyday because I will do great things with it through him! So now everyday, I am changing, growing stronger and will reach one of my many ultimate goals. With God, any and everything is possible and I will continue my internal house cleaning journey through him! I will be still, listen and then react on his word for without him I would be nothing. He spared my life as a child for a reason and I am now beginning to see just why! My gift that he has blessed me with should be shared with the world.....it has been his plan from the start!

I Love Being Me

I love being me
May not have all the riches and jewels in the world
But I have me
I'm unique in ways that
I am designed to be
I don't need to compromise
To fulfill a need
All that I need is within me
I love being me
I love the coils of my hair
The curves of my body
Doesn't matter if it doesn't fit in a fashion magazine
I still love being me
I love the dimples that shine when I smile
And the brightness of my eyes
After just getting my eyebrows done
I love the softness of my skin
After a nice hot shower
The bends of my elbows
The scars of play from my childhood
That don't define me
Make up a part of me
The good days
The bad days
The not so certain days
I love being me
I don't have to compromise
Subject my ♥​ or soul to anyone who
Doesn't deserve what I hold
I love being me
I embrace the good
The bad
The happy
The sad
I love being me

Could I Ever

I know how things are suppose to go
I neither put up fuss or fight
Just go with the flow
I like simple non-complicated things
There are times when I feel as if being single
Has lost it's meaning
But I love my freedom
Not knowing what to expect next
Time presses on and I'm not getting any younger
Should I move on or continue standing
Could I ever give what I so desire in return
Or in the future will my soul burn
Will I miss you if I go this way
Could I ever know what I've missed
Or have I already seen the bliss
I've had my trials and tribulations
But life is all about experiences
Could I ever believe that you'd fall in love with me
Could I ever
Give and be all that you need
I am more than what you think you know
More than just a gentle soul
I have a heart that is ready
To show the world
The gift I so possess inside
Could I ever be
All that you need

The Mystery of Me

The mystery is my simplicity
I flow like a river
Not too fast not too slow
Just enough so you can get the feel of
The rhythm of my groove theory
Embracing my hips as if they were designed for the palm of your hands
Tasting my lips as if they were as sweet as honey
Not even a drop left
My sway is to the beat of your heart and the thump of your soul
Simplicity is the mystery of me
Trying to gather my composure of you
So that when you play the notes
I won't miss a beat
The in the out
The fast the slow
The mystery of me
Simplicity

What's Your Impression Left

And so you've closed your eyes for the last time
Breathing your last breath
What was your Impression Left
Did you make people smile
Fill someone's ♥​ with love
Did you give a lending shoulder
For tears to shed on
An open ear for conversation
To console or cheer on
What's your Impression Left
Did you open your ♥​ to those in need
To those who've wronged you
To those who were unable to speak
Did you put yourself aside
Lend a helping hand
Give when it was needed
What was your Impression Left
Life is only but a one time performance
Here today, gone tomorrow
Will the things you do and give
Allow people to remember you
So I ask of myself and you
What's your impression left

Not Take For Granted

Time does not stop for anyone
The choices you make are consequences of a lifetime
The words that you say
Cannot be taken back
Time does not stop for anyone
We always think we may have so much time
So we put off what we need to say
Put off what we need to do
And then you look up and time has stopped for you
You never had a chance to say what you needed to say
Or do what you needed to do
And so now that person you left behind
Doesn't know the truth
Say what you need to say
Do what you need to do
Time does not wait for anyone

"You Are Not Alone"

I'm just gonna speak freely from my ♥​. No rhyme, rhythm or flow. Yesterday we lost a great musical icon. Micheal Jackson has been a part of my whole childhood. I loved him because of his musical genius that he shared with the world. He has been involved in many stages of my life and part of my reason of loving music so much. I was ♥​ broken but I know God doesn't make mistakes. I can never say how great his music is/was or how many people he has inspired. No matter his troubles and the changes he went through, it never took away from his ability to give us what we needed from him....music! He was known all over the world and how many people can say they have accomplished this in their lifetime. I hope he is at peace and now performing in the heavens as he has on Earth. He will be greatly missed and his children were so very blessed to have him as a father. No matter what happens now or later, he will forever live in my ♥​!

In This House

The sound of his voice
Excites me
Moves me
Stirs me up
In ways I've never known
To hold his face within my hands
To be caressed by his gentleness
Is all my ♥​ has ever desired
He has no idea
The depth of my feelings for him
The magnitude of the power of just one thought
The desire within me to give him my all
Nurture him
Take care of him
Love him
He will be my everything
My soul yearns to connect with him
To be made as whole
Dwelling as one in the house of the Lord
I am learning even more patience through
Our journey of becoming one
My ♥​, mind, body and soul
Only desire him
He will be my everything
He will be all that I need
All that I desire
My cup will runneth over
He will be my everything
And in the house of the Lord
We will dwell
He will be my everything
No one else compares to him
No one else can take his place
He is all that I need
He is my everything

Happy Father's Day!!

Today we celebrate all the men who are Father's to their children or someone else's children. Some of us are single parents and the father's of our children aren't involved in their lives but that doesn't mean we shouldn't pay tribute to those who are. In these times it is hard to be a parent and those who work hard to provide for their family should be acknowledged. I am grateful for all the friends I have who are great father's/dad's to their children. I hope they continue to be a strong presence in their children's lives. So my hat goes off to all the Father's who maintain their postion in life....May God bless you now and always!

Value Yourself

Today I listened to a speaker who spoke on the way women carry themselves.
We don't place value on the gift God has given us to procreate and bring life into the world.
Don't get me wrong, I too have given into the temptations of flesh thinking that what he was selling was worth me buying
A real man with real intentions will not require you to devalue yourself.
He should be willing to add value to you.
So when you choose to involve yourself with someone of the opposite sex, you have the right to decide if he'll value or devalue your life.
The gift you have shouldn't be taken lightly or given to just anyone.
We sometimes think that if we don't give into what the man is asking, he will no longer desire us.
If he wants to get to know the real you, that will be the farthest thing from his mind.
He'll want to get to know you before "getting" to know you.
The media has a great influence on how we carry ourselves but never promoting the right way to carry ourselves
So no one will value you, unless you value yourself first and the most precious gift God has given you.
I say again, a real man will add value not devalue you.
Value yourself no matter how hard it may seem.
In the end, you'll be glad you did.

Reflections June 20, 2009

Today I went to a seminar entitled "The State of The Black Family" and heard Minister Farrakhan speak for the first time. Funny how I allowed the views of someone else to prevent me from ever hearing him speak until now. Of course everything he had to say applied to my life in some kind of way. It has opened my curiosity up into whatever else he has spoken about. Sometimes you can miss out on something wonderful being closed minded. I also believe that maybe I wouldn't have been receptive to what he had to say early on and this was the time I needed to hear him. I am making some changes in my life that will bring my relationship with God closer and he keeps putting me in places to help expedite the move. I realize some things will get into my path and try to detour my journey but this time around I will not allow my journey to be misguided. God has spoken unto my ♥​ and I know what I must do. I know my gift is a gift he has given me to inspire others and I am workin towards doing so.

Funny How

Funny how some people want something when they can't have it but don't want it when they can.
Tried to keep it real as best as I know how but yet and still others don't know how.
Not being honest about things in their life
Thinking it's okay to add another person to the mix
Just to see if they can get that first time hit
Not once thinking there will be a time
When they're no longer on a person's mind
Moving on to the next level
Don't have time for drama and trouble
Only have one life to live
I'd rather give to those who mean well
And the rest can go to hell
Don't misunderstand I'm nor angry or sad
Just not gonna allow people to keep treatin me bad
Everyone deserves what they're worth and nobody should treat anyone like dirt
For what you put out there comes back to you and it may not come as you expect it to
So do unto others as you'll have them do unto you
It's a simple basic golden rule

It's Been Awhile

For a moment I tried to escape the reality
Tried to deny what my ♥​ has been telling me
Even still when I thought I'd had enough
And I wanted to be set free
My thoughts always came back to you and me
The more I tried to deny
My feelings for you
The more I realized the truth
No one else compares to you
Our level of connection
Is deeper than I've ever known
My life would be missing something
If I no longer knew you
I cannot contain what I know to be true
How deeply I care and am still feeling you
I thought our time came and went
Or the fear to commit
To a unique connection we both share
Which sometimes gives us hesitation
Of the unknown purpose of our paths crossing
No matter how long fate takes
Our purpose in life
Is revealed day by day
No matter what the future holds
Truth be told
My world wouldn't be the same
Without you in it
And so once again
I wanted to express myself to you
It was something I needed to do

Cleaning House

Old things made anew
Had to find a way to get rid of you
You brought all your baggage from your past
Expecting me to carry your trash
The past is the past
Leave it there
For this is a new house
Letting sunshine in
Giving new meaning to keeping it clean
I cannot carry your burden or emotions weighed in
The past is the past
Leave it there
Time to move on
Clean this house
As it was
Before you came along
I can't clean your windows
If you're still looking wit a heavy ♥​
And malice on your mind
The past is the past
Leave it there

Keepin On

My ♥​ will ache for a little while
But my spirit will not be weighed down
I am stronger than I give myself credit for
I am not wrong for expressing myself
For still believing in Love
And wanting to experience all it has to offer
I realize I am cut from a different cloth
And God designed me special
My soul mate has already been revealed
It is not yet our season
Soon our time will come
I will wait for him
Nobody else will make me feel the way he does
He completes me
One day soon
We will be made whole

if you only knew

Many days go by
My thoughts always.
Come back to you
I maintain my emotions
Many times not sure
How I feel
We've connected on so many levels
But yet seem so far apart
Life without u wouldn't be the same
Something I knew from the start
Alas I do whatever is necessary
To have you in my life
Whether it be as a friend
Or partner for life
If only you knew
How deeply I care for you
If only you knew
Life wouldn't be the same without you
If only you knew
You have a special place in my ♥​
If only you knew
I've loved you from the start
If only you knew

The ♥​ speaks but the mind won't listen

Funny thing my mind tried to tell her the other day
That love don't live here anymore
But my ♥​ begged to differ
Sayin it lives just buried a little deeper to prevent me
From being broken
My mind said "How many times do you have to be broken just to see, love don't live here anymore?"
My ♥​ refused to listen to my mind no matter how many past memories were displayed
My ♥​ held strong and excepted that some experiences weren't always good but the good ones out weighed the bad
The ♥​ speaks but the mind won't listen
Clouded by the good, the bad and some in-betweens
But my ♥​ remains clear and always open to what the world has to offer

From My Perspective

I am always to the best of my ability about and promoting positive energy. Even in that aspect there are times that experiences have surfaced that aren't positive and thus require me to vent. I feel that most people would like to have someone in their life that they can share themselves with. Someone to lean on for whatever the reason. Someone who compliments them and has their best interest at ♥​. Of course this is just my opinion but I don't believe I am that far off. Then there are people who have had one or many negative experiences that have caused them to feel the need to shut down emotionally and try to protect their ♥​ and feelings. That is quite understandable but it should not mean you can mistreat or mislead other people who aren't caught up in your protection time. For example the person who's only about sticking and moving but doesn't feel the need to share this information with the person or persons they are entertaining involvement with. They give off the appearance that they would like to be involved but just not exclusively with the person they are currently having this conversation with. Thing is this conversation has taken place with other people and maybe that day even. This to me is an act of selfishness. So not only are you misleading the person, you are also giving them false hope and wasting their time that could be spent on something more productive. The thing is some people are only looking for a stick n move type situation and being up front may just surprise you. Not being up front could result in not quite so favorable results. The one thing that remains constant is you reap what u sow! So you have to be willing to accept what you'll get back based on what you've put out. Personally this type of person irks the crap out of me cause they try to be slick and don't care who gets hurt just as long as they get what they need or want. But it takes all kind to make the world go around. Next is the person who already has a full plate but finds the need to add more as if what they already have going on isn't enough. This person to me is jus down right greedy and selfish. If you've already got a bunch of open relationships that you can hardly maintain, why try to add more. In the long run you only end up hurting yourself because you wear yourself down trying to keep up with a bunch of different people. More than likely in the end you'll end up alone cause you'll lose yourself in all the madness. There's the person who is emotionally unavailable and hasn't quite healed from a previous experience but still gets involved while bringing past issues with them. Then placing expectations on a person who has nothing to do with what has happened in the past. In retrospect being honest about this may get favorable results. Some people if they genuinely want to be with you are willing to work with you while helping you deal with and get over past experiences. The thing is they have to know beforehand so that they can prepare for the road they have ahead of them.
Although there are so many other types of things people do to other people that aren't on the up n up, these are the one's that I hear about or have experienced the most. I believe in being upfront and honest with a person explaining where I am coming from. I can't honestly say I have always been but past experiences have taught me that it is the best way to do things. Maybe some will be offended by my thoughts and if so, it should make you wonder why. This however is all in my opinion and from experiences of my own or that have been shared with me. I do believe that everyone wants love and to be loved but they need to find a way to open their hearts and let love in....fear out.

I will Acknowledge Him

Today I acknowledge God and all that he has, is and will do for me. There use to be a time that I was ashamed to speak about God and my belief in him. How I can not want to share with the world all the wonderful things he has done for me. I admit I take some things for granted but I have made it my purpose not to forget what God has done for me and to not take it for granted!! When things don't go as planned or I am faced with difficulty, I have now found myself looking at it as God's way of building up my strength. I look for the silver lining and always say "I will get through this, with God I will get through this!" God has a plan for me, a purpose that he wants me to carry through and I have been running from that purpose most of my life but I now know that I can no longer run. No longer can I deny what God wants me to do. He has given me so much wonderfulness and I don't want him to take that away or miss out on more of the wonderfulness he has in store for me. It amazes me that God can always find a way to speak to your ♥​ and make you listen even when you least expect him to. He has given me many of my hearts desires as it seems and I need to show him my gratefulness for answering my prayer and to continue to nourish what he has given me. So from this day forth I will acknowledge him in all my ways and not be ashamed to tell the world about all of his wonderfulness and blessings he has stowed upon me.

There Are Gonna Be

There are gonna be some days when I'm just not feeling you
Some days when you won't feel me too
There are gonna be some days when listening to you will get on my last nerve
Some days when listening to me will get on your last nerves too
There are gonna be some days when the sight of you angers me
Some days when the sight of me angers you
There are gonna be some days when I just can't get enough of you
Some days when you can't get enough of me too
There are gonna be some days when the sight of you turns me on
Some days when the sight of me turns you on too
There are gonna be some days when I'll fall in love with you all over again
Some days when you'll fall in love with me all over again too
There are gonna be everyday that I am grateful for you
Everyday you'll be grateful for me too
There are gonna be everyday that I'll love you
Everyday you'll love me too

On The Outside Looking In

The window was dirty no matter how many times I tried to clean it,
it remained the same.
I thought I no longer needed you, wanted you, desired you,
but I still do just the same.
As I look through this window I see,
that you have moved on from me.
Smiling the way I use to make you smile.
Laughing the way I use to make you laugh.
Kissing "her" the way you use to kiss me.
I try yet again to clean this dirty window as I looked in.
I wanted, needed to see the face of the woman who,
gives you all that I once gave you.
I leaned in closer tried to see, then I realized,
the woman looking back out was me.

Random Thoughts

I don't like when my hormones are off because of "Auntie" on her way for a visit. It makes me act out of character and almost react to things I really could care less about. The good thing is I only have to deal with this for a couple of days and then things are back to normal! It's amazing how emotional I can be even when I don't want to be or need to be. As I get older, I get better at maintaining my composure and not making a complete fool of myself. Those are the kind of days I don't want to relive. Good thing is every experience I have had...good or bad, has taught me something!! Some of my favorite lessons: never put all your eggs in one basket unless you're sure that one won't break, if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger, it is what it is and if it is meant to be, it'll be!! Some of these have taught me a valuable lesson, given me strength and kept me positive even when there wasn't a reason to be. I am just grateful to live life with all its many ups n downs.

Moving On

I thought I'd linger a little while longer.
Hoping you would come to your senses.
All the signs were there but I wasn't willing to accept them.
Now I am left with this empty space not quite sure how to fill it.
Thing is someone has almost taken your place.
I'm somewhat numb about the whole thing but the Sun is beginning to peek between the clouds.
Moving on isn't always an easy thing to do but in some cases necessary to do.
Never had I thought this road we would travel but alas it has come to be.
Moving on is something we both need to do.

May 10, 2009 :Happy Mother's Day

Today is the day to celebrate Mothers and all that they do. There are many men who play this role as well and we should acknowledge them. It is wonderful to be able to help create and nurture life. Sometimes we find ourselves taking such things for granted but it is not always promised for tomorrow. I am grateful for my Mother and all that she has done! I am also grateful to have been given the gift of Motherhood and I cherish it with all my ♥​.

May 6, 2009 The Great and Amazing

Funny how you go about life doing what you want and sometimes what you don't want to do. Different people come into your life to serve a different purpose. Some of the time it's a positive experience and other times it is not so positive. You take what you need from each experience whether you intend to or not. It builds character, makes you stronger but should never break you. If it isn't how you would treat yourself, then you shouldn't allow others to treat you in such a way that isn't of your desire! The great and amazing thing is, you have the power to control your own destiny!!

May 3, 2009 The Birds and The Bees

The interactions with the opposite sex never cease to amaze me. You meet a guy/gal and either sparks fly or not. If sparks fly then you choose to make the time to get to know one another. After spending time, feelings began to develop and you find yourself wanting to act on these feelings. It could be spending more time with this person to see how far the two of you are willing to go. It has a significant impact on how much time two people are willing to spend with each other, ask the questions that need to be asked and say the things that need to be said. Most times we find ourselves afraid to ask the questions that we want to ask for fear of the answer. You have to ask the questions in order to know the answers. I have began to implement those ideas into my own relationships because I want to know and I don't want fear to take that away from me.

April 30, 2009 April Showers, May Flowers

I know April showers bring May flowers but my goodness with all the rain! I can only go so many days without sunlight. I have gone 4 days and I feel like I'm dragging. Today it peeked out and I ran to soak up it's rays but then the clouds returned and took away my Sun! I am so ready for Spring and Sunshine.

Good Bye Love

Good bye love
Sorry you weren't good enough for me
Made me think that maybe almost possibly we could be
Said all the things I wanted to hear
But actions never taking place
You missed out on a beautiful thing
You're heart would have been safe
I would have been there in your darkest hour
My shoulder when you needed to cry
My ear when you needed to confide
My body when you needed passion
My heart when you needed love
My soul to be one with yours
Somehow you thought you were going keep me in circles
Guess you missed when I made that exit left stage right
It's ok I now realize you weren't ready for me anyway
But I thank you for all the times you made my heart feel joy
Pain and all the in between
Because without that my gift would have disappeared into the wind
Never to be seen again
Good bye love
You weren't good enough for me

April 13, 2009 Thoughts of the day

It seems that many of my poems are of the erotic nature lately. Maybe that could have some kind of underlying meaning or maybe that I have tapped into that part of me that I have no problem embracing. It is but of human nature. I guess the part of me that wasn't so sure about sharing it has now overcome that fear. Everyday I am growing more and more into this "gift" that a very good friend of mine (he knows who he is...smile) calls it. Maybe it was meant for me to share it with the world or just those close to my world. So many times we let fear prevent us from doing what we were meant to do. I let fear have that effect on me but I will not any longer. If reading about, writing about and exploring my erotic side brings someone else fear, well they will just have to figure out a way to get past it or not read this at all. I have let fear push me away from so many things, even things that matter most to my heart. Even if I cannot understand why things happen the way they do, why a person says one thing and does something different, or that someone cannot accept me for all the wonderfulness I possess, I will not let fear prevent me from using my gift to express myself, from living my life to its fullest potential and for not believing in myself when others didn't. I only have this one life and it was designed to live no matter the ups and downs, the good and bad, it is my life.

April 13, 2009 The Slow Grind

He presses up against me
I can feel his manhood sequestering my womanhood
I try to act as if it doesn't faze me but my insides get wet with anticipation of his next move
He kisses my neck and that spot near my ear
My knees began to shake
He presses harder up against me
I try to act as if it doesn't faze me
My breathing becomes heavy and I feel my finger nails digging
Deeper, deeper, deeper into his flesh
He presses even harder against me
Slightly opening my legs until his fingers find my wetness
My womanhood
He gently, slowly grinds his manhood until he finds the place his fingers prepared
I try to act as if it doesn't faze me
I am up against the wall riding him so effortlessly
He presses inside of me
I try to act as if it doesn't faze me
We both fall limp from pure ecstasy

March 29, 2009 Passion

Can I say that this fire stirring up in me is more than I have ever felt before.
The thought of you touching me, me touching you, excites me.
I close my eyes and sometimes that is all I can see.
Us moving to the rhythm of our own passion.
So much time has passed.
So long we have waited and yet my desire for you grows stronger everyday.
The wonder of that unspoken word I dare not say.
Only to know that it makes everything brighter.
That at times when I haven't heard your voice,
I feel a little dismayed.
When I am finally near you, my heart will continually skip a beat.
Breathing becomes erratic and the throbbing between my thighs will be more than I can handle.
Passion that I can hardly contain and wait to share with you.

March 23, 2009 Synchronization

Funny how my heart and mind can't quite agree with certain situations in my life. My mind keeps leaning to a lost cause and chock it up to experience. My heart wants to hold out to the possibility of more developing. I'm on the fence not even sure which way to lean. My theory is always follow your heart but the mind is concerned that maybe this theory will not be proven this time. Maybe give it a little more time and see what happens.

Had a dream this morning that I went to the U.K. As an exchange student. It was quite vivid. I met some really kool roommates that were actually from there. They embraced me as if we've been knowing each other for quite sometime. I couldn't quite get use to the time difference. In my dream there was a big difference. If it was morning here, it was night time there. It was a nice dream, kinda sorry it had 2 end. Must mean I need to travel. Only time will tell!

March 19, 2009 Randomness...continued

Sometimes I write because the urge in me is stronger than I can bear even when I feel I don't have anything in particular to write about. I will embrace Spring and all it's glory when it arrives. It is like the start of a new beginning....although this sounds to be a common saying, it does have some truth. Flowers bloom, trees get new leaves, grass grows and becomes green, animals return and the sun shines more everyday. Now is a good time to change the things that aren't making you happy and find the things that will.

March 16, 2009 The Funny Thing Is

As you grow older does the magnitude of your heart change?
In the beginning, it has a certain innocence and openess. Experiences transpire and whether they are negative or positive, it leaves a mark. Sometimes if there are more negative than positive, it may cause some to be jaded. Does the feeling ever change like when you meet someone new and you get all giddy inside? Does it have a jaded angle to it? I would think it would depend on the person and all that they have been through but hopefully hope doesn't completely disappear. Time reveals so many things.

March 9, 2009 Honestly

It amazes me that in this time, we can't tell people how we really feel because we are so afraid of how they may react or if they feel the same. I get tired of holding it in and when I do express myself, I don't quite get the reaction I was hoping for but nevertheless, I refuse to let that deter me. I am a hopeless romantic @ heart and I am not afraid to admit it. It stifles my creativity to not express myself and when I express myself with words to a particular person, it comes from a different depth of my soul. As much as I try to run from it, hide from it or just plain deny it, my need to express myself with words is a like oxygen and water. I cannot survive without neither. I will not let the weight of the world's view on love, like or openly expression prevent me from letting my soul speak freely. It is who I am and if other souls are unable to embrace it, know that it is genuine and accept it, well then quite frankly, it's their loss! To be loved by me and placed into the depths of my soul, is an experience unlike any other and quite unforgettable.

March 2, 2009 More Randomness

It has been quite a few days since I have written here. Somedays I haven't enough to say to write or it's too personal to share with the world. I have to have a private outlet as well! Honestly this is my passion, writing but sometimes I lose my fire! I know it happens to all of us who enjoy writing but I don't want it to be lost forever! It almost seems an obsession so I doubt if that'll happen! Been listening to a lot of RnB and soul music but I need to give my alternative side some time also so gonna switch gears and get that rock, alternative sound going! Nothing like some Auto Rock by Mogwai to get the heart pumping! I can just close my eyes and imagine a scene of my life that would go great with this song or better yet a scene I am waiting to create with someone very special to me. Music and writing are my solace!

February 25, 2009 It's Hump Day!

Wednesday again, the middle of the week that makes it all downhill after today. Some of us live for the weekend, while others are just grateful to live. I use to be one of those who lived for the weekend but after seeing that there is no specific age when death chooses to visit you, I realized I need to live for everyday and be grateful for all those days, moments, hours and seconds! Tomorrow is not promised so I am grateful for every moment that God has blessed me with!

February 23, 2009 Randomness

Obviously I believe in Love. Have since the reality of it became clear. It was first learned from my Parents and other family members. Grew up and learned it was possible to feel that way about someone of the opposite sex. Yet at that early age I wasn't quite sure of all its capabilities. Just being a teenager was confusing enough and then to add emotions for the opposite sex just made it more complicated. Emotions ran high during those times and you weren't always so certain of your feelings. Time passes and you began to have more experiences that either give you a better understanding of loving the opposite sex or possibly confusing you more. No matter how many of these experiences I have had, it never caused me to stop believing in love and all its wonderful possibilities. Of course there were times I became quite frustrated with love but there was always this one part of me that wouldn't stop believing no matter how disappointed I became. I guess in many ways I am a romantic and will always believe in the endless possibilities of when two souls who have searched for one another finally unite. That it will be the ultimate experience of what love has to offer between the opposite sex.

February 18, 2009 It Is What It Is

Rain can be a romantic thing but not so romantic when u have to travel in it or work in it. It's gonna still fall because the earth needs it and it is what it is! I enjoy being in the rain in the summer months when it's hot outside.and it cools things off. Although it maybe for only a little bit, it can be quite cleansing and refreshing. Sometimes it's wonderful to be nurtured by Earth.

February 14, 2009 Happy Valentine's Day!!

I am a strong believer in Love.
No matter how many times my heart has been broken or disappointed, I still believe.
I believe there is a person out there who completes me, who is my soulmate and who I can give my everything to.
In many ways I believe I have found him but that we haven't quite come into our time.
As much as I have tried to deny what my heart feels, it doesn't go away and no other will do.
I possess a lot of patience and I am willing to wait for things to come as they are meant to be.
It may seem as if that isn't possible but I believe that we are not designed to live life alone and we cannot let our past disappointments and heartaches cloud our true desire to love and be loved. I still believe in love and will keep my heart open to all its many possibilities no matter what.
God is love and so am I!

February 12, 2009 My Sound Of Music

The sound of music is like making love.
It can start as a slow grind and as the tempo changes the movements adjust to the flow.
Slow and easy or fast and hard.
Depends on your preference and how far you wanna take it.
Music gives me butterflies and causes my heart to beat faster!
Sweat running down the small of my back as the melody fills my ears and my hips sway to the rhythm that fills the room.
I become lost in its mesmerizing effects before finally drifting off into a deep slumber.

February 11, 2009 The Reality of Possibility

In life sometimes I take a step back and review.
The things that I want or desire aren't always what I need.
But somehow I've convinced myself that I do need it and get caught up trying to obtain it.
The reality of the possibility of me accomplishing it hardly ever succeeds but I digress.
You can't control people and their actions.
You can't make someone like, love or be with you no matter how much you have tried to prove that you desire that with them.
Sometimes it's just better to walk away because if it's meant for you to have, it'll usually come to you.
You shouldn't have to subject yourself to any out of character acts to win someone over.
Love is not designed that way.
It is simple, uncomplicated, and nurturing.
It's just that we as people sometimes complicate what isn't meant to be complicated.

February 9, 2009-House Soul Cleaning

Have you ever had things that took up space in your house but were no longer serving a purpose?
Does your soul carry such a habit as well?
Friendships that are no longer a help but a hinder?
Torches for lost loves who will never return?
Carrying around all this excess can clutter the path to the true you and possibly lose yourself.
Time to do some house soul cleaning and get rid of those things or persons that no longer serve a meaningful purpose in your life.
Your mind, body and soul will thank you for it.

February 7, 2009-The Gratefulness of Ungratefulness

The funny thing about people expecting what they haven't worked for, but thinking that all is owed to them, when they haven't even worked for what they are expecting.
The expectations to live, pay taxes and die should seem simple enough but yet it amazes me that some choose to complicate such simplicity.
I mean death or paying taxes isn't on many people's list of things to do but it is an inevitable circumstance that we must face by having life.
If you work hard then sometimes the rewards are more than one can expect but if you don't work at all or at least try and still expect a reward, would that make sense?
We are living in a time where people are loosing jobs, homes, cars, and family members who can't accept reality and yet some are ungrateful to have a job and a means to provide for themselves or their family.
So what if the little perks have to be taken away.
It is better than to have the bigger perk taken away where everyday you are wondering how you are gonna make it and take care of you and/or your family.
The gratefulness of ungratefulness is that one day your ungratefulness will blind you of the gratefulness you already have.
Then you will look back on the times when you should have been grateful for even the simple things of life like living, paying taxes, and eventually dying.
Death is the inevitable circumstance we must face for being granted the gift of life.
Not that it was our choice to come into the world so it will not be our choice to leave this world, but being grateful for what you have is better than ungrateful for what you don't.

February 3, 2009

Haven't posted in a couple of days! Trying to decide what to write and if it'll be worth writing. I have an idea I wanna try but not quite sure if I can pull it off! Only if I could spend my days n nights writing, my soul would be even more content but ofcourse my stomach wouldn't be seeing as how I'd be without steady income for food and other things! I guess I could always land a gig that would pay me to write! Um don't see that happening anytime soon! Guess I'll go work on my idea!

January 30, 2009 The Escape

Thoughts of you fill my head
Even after avoiding them at all cost
I try to comprehend the possibility of you and me but
Somehow it doesn't seem right
Then again when I hear your voice
My heart gets stirred up again
So everytime that phone rings
I pray and hope you aren't on the other end
Time allows me to escape my feelings for you
I wonder if you know and try to maintain
Your position in my world
I hope with every new day
You'd no longer be a thought taking up space
That day hasn't come
As for now time will be my escape from hearing your voice
Emotions flooding back in
Making my soul burn
With desire for you

January 29, 2009

Out of all the BB apps, I am still quite impressed with Slacker radio! I can't now imagine life without it. Get all kinds of wonderful music with endless possibilities. Listening to Sade's Lover's Rock! Nice mellow way to start my morning. I may jus sign up 4 the paid version.
It's good to always have a person you can talk to when things get crazy. Because of some events that have taken place because of a person's need to be selfish and unconcerned for others, I have gained a friend to replace the one I lost. Sometimes life throws a curve ball and you just gotta know when to hit. The last couple of days have been a learning experience. I am sure I will have many more.

January 28, 2009~Heartache

My heart feels heavy not quite sure why
Thought I wouldn't care if you walked out my life
Figured I'd be better off anyway
Still a part of me feels sadness when I realize I'll never look at you the same
You can't play games with people's emotions and think there'll be no repercussions
My heart will ache for a bit but funny how time heals all wounds
Never imagined you'd do me this way
Laugh and smile in my face all the while doing the same to someone else
Thinkin you slick and u can't get caught
Bet now you wish you would have thought twice
Playing with fire will get you burned
My heart will ache but time will eventually take it away
One day you'll awake and realize all that you've desired is what you already had
Now it's only too late to get it all back
Somehow we always reap what we sow

January 27, 2009~When the light comes on!

You've done all you can to prove your heart's desires
Then again was it what they desired as well
You've made the calls
Gave it your all
But still it seems as if it doesn't matter
So you try again a little bit harder
Then one day without so much as a notice
The light comes on and you say "Forget this"
Why keep giving if there is no receiving in return
Why put yourself out there if you constantly get burned
That is when the light comes on
And so you give that very ultimatum and hope that it will change the situation
Only to realize that it still won't matter
Cause the light hasn't come on for the latter

More Poetry Pieces!

~The First Time~

I opened the door
He smiled at me
That nervous kinda smile
I smiled back at him
That “don’t worry” kinda smile
He asked about the candles
The music in the back ground
Breaking the ice
So he could feel comfortable
He took off his shoes
Just my minor request
Had a seat on my couch
Rubbed his palms together
Trying to hide the sweat
I sat beside him
Asked about the drive all this way
Not much traffic was all he could say
As he looked deep into my eyes
Wondering if I was sure about this
I assured him I was
Asked if he needed a drink
That would be nice
But water would do just fine
I returned, water in hand
He drank fast
Told him to slow down
I wasn’t going anywhere
He apologized…asked for another glass
I smiled “thirsty huh?”
He just smiled back
I returned once again with water in hand
This time he drank slowly not
Taking his eyes off me
The ice had been broken
He was no longer nervous
He sat down the glass
Told me to have a seat
The way he looked at me made me wet
Sweat began to trickle down my back and nothing hadn’t happen yet
He moved in closer
My heart beat faster
His lips touched mine
My heart beat faster
His hands reached for mine
My heart beat faster
He stood me up
Wrapped his hands around my waist
Asked me to dance
My heart almost leaped out of my chest
We slowly danced as I watched our shadows on the wall
He kissed me again
This time with more passion
I could see fire in his eyes
He was ready to put it out
And I would be the quencher
He took my hand lead me to the bedroom
More candles
Music still in the background
He smiled
“All this just for me?”
I smiled
He knew the answer
Slowly he kissed me
Undressed me
Asked me to walk around
Wanted to admire me in the candle light
I felt shy
Almost embarrassed
“First time for everything” was all he could say
I just smiled and sat down on the bed
He came sat beside me
I began to undress him
Asked him to let me admire him
He said that wouldn’t be necessary
I’d have plenty of time to do that
He took my face in his hands
Asked me again
I assured him I was ready
Time for our paths to cross
His fire began to fill me
Passion boiling over
So many late night conversations
Now reality had taken place
He moaned, I groaned
He called out my name
As I took him in farther
He spoke about the way my lips felt
How my tongue made him melt
He hadn’t known how long I’ve been wanting to
Feel him inside my mouth
He felt himself get closer to the end so I stopped
Then started all over again
He pulled me up to him
Said it was my turn
His tongue found all of my places
Even the one’s hidden so far and deep away
I moaned, called out his name
He said how sweet I tasted and how he could stay there all night
I wanted to feel him inside of me
Wanted to know how long it would take
For him to bring me to pure ecstasy
We were face to face
Him on top of me
I underneath
I could feel him as he made his way
We danced a dance I had never danced before
I looked deep into his eyes with every thrust
Flipped him over so I could ride rough
Never taking my eyes off him
Pure ecstasy was written on his face as he and I
Began to explode
I felt myself fall on top of him
He kissed my lips, my eyes, my forehead
Spoke of how great he felt
Held me tight
Fell asleep for the night
As I laid there looking into his sleeping eyes
Wondering how many more times
My name would cross his lips
In a fit of passion
He must have read my mind
“This definitely is not our last time”

Simple

I am simple
Not hard to please
Complicated confuses me
Constrains who I really am
I cannot change how I feel
No matter how I try
If I could completely walk away
From you
I would
You take up space that
You don't deserve
I haven't figured out how
To make you disappear
It subsides for only a moment
Then I look into your face
or hear your voice
And everything that I have
pushed away
comes rushing back
It overwhelms me
And for the life of me
I can't
figure out why
It's not meant to be
Not meant to be more than what it is
But still passion burns that
only yearns for you
Many words are inspired
for one who doesn't deserve
to experience what I hold inside

January 23, 2009

I swear work and Winter are taking a toll on me and I cannot wait until Spring arrives. Funny thing today I realize I miss paper and pen. The feeling I get when I put ink to paper and create something so wonderful from my heart and soul. Sometimes it's good to do things ol' skool style so we don't miss out on the little things. Sometimes technology can make me lazy but if I am true to myself then the natural way things are suppose to be will always resurface.
I heard that D'Angelo is going on tour and working on a new album. I have been wondering about where he has been but am very much looking forward to his new album.

In Honor Of Mr. President!

Today we will embark on a historic change that will forever change the lives of not only African Americans but of all nationalities! Has our past predicted this? Did we ever think that in this lifetime we would have a Black President? He is a man of great magnitude and persona. When you see him, hear him, listen to him it makes you stand at attention! His charisma makes you want to get to know him and follow what it is he has to say. Nothing about today is ordinary! Unlike any other inauguration this one is special and significant and will be remembered for all time.

Side Note #1

Normally I don't do this but it seems unfair to keep to myself although it's possible that many may already know! Slacker for Blackberry is quite nice and totally awesome! I downloaded it about an hour ago and am quite pleased with it! The interface is slick and user friendly! You can type in an artist name and it'll play that artist as well as songs that pretty much go along with that category. You can also check out the many other preset stations if you want variety! You can't quite pick songs you'd like to hear as far as I can tell but for me the variety alone is enough to keep me happy and possibly discover even more music to add to my growing collection. My ears love almost everything! Slacker will become a permanent icon on my home screen and get used quite often! May not even need to bring the iTouch along for awhile! If you're interested go to http://m.slacker.com/ from your BlackBerry and enter Music Nirvana @ your own risk!

~Soulgroovy~

January 18, 2009-The give and the take

I've missed a couple of days again mostly cause I was pretty exhausted from work. I am back now and ready for a little writing.
There are people in your life that are givers and takers. I consider myself a giver mostly and sometimes I give too much. I have people in my life who take but never give. At first I don't notice because my need to give clouds my judgement but then after awhile I realize that it's not always 50/50. Even after realizing that it's not 50/50, I still continue to give and realize that in most instances that is how it'll always be. It's the way my heart is designed no matter how much I try to deny it. In retrospect it's always better to give than to receive and that works for me!

January 15, 2009

Today was one of the coldest days I remember in a long time. Last time I checked it was like -13 degrees. I can't quite understand how that is possible but this is Chicago and I have seen all four seasons in one day. This is the kind of weather that you can lose fingers, toes, and other important parts. I am glad that the City of Chicago has warming centers for homeless people and that they even go out and try to locate them and help them to get to a warming center. It is great to see that they aren't being forgotten. I hope that we all survive this "deep freeze" and make it to Spring. I am so looking forward to Spring and all the newness that comes with it. My favorite part is hearing the birds chirp in the morning and the smell of fresh cut grass. It's been a kind of rough Winter thus far but we will fair through and and move into Spring gladly.

January 14, 2009 & Observations

The week that Anthony Hamilton's CD came out, I went right out and bought it. I haven't been able to stop listening to it. Had a couple of days without it and this mornin I realized I needed my fix! The song "My Soul Is On Fire" somewhat reflects things in my life. I wanna sing this song with every fiber of my being but seeing as how I'm on the train @ the moment, may not go over well. His whole album is quite soulful and I think he deserves much more exposure than what he's gettin. It just may inspire some poetry!

My Soul's on Fire

The burning sensation in my soul everytime I think of you.
Can you possible imagine that if you asked, I'd give you my all.
Explore everything that makes you, you.
Makes you make me feel the way I do.
This burning sensation I get when our hands touch, lips cross in sweet euphoria.
My soul's on fire for you.
But as much as I try to smother the flame,
it finds a way to ignite all over again.
And so I live everyday with my soul on fire for you.

January 13, 2009

Well the idea of posting everyday doesn't seem like such a great idea! For one there isn't always something worth writing about everyday and secondly I would end up with a blog with over 300 post that may or may not be worth reading. The one thing I will say is I can NOT wait til Spring! Normally being an all my life Chicago resident, the winter wouldn't bother me but my gosh it has snowed almost every week since December and then on top of it has the nerve to get cold! That just generally sucks now! I don't usually like to complain because it won't do any good anyway but sometimes it's necessary just so I can get over it and get it out of my system! I'm done! Time is an amazing thing because little by little things are changing for me and I'm willing to accept it and keep it movin. I'm starting to see the light ahead in this tunnel I have seem to have been stuck in the last couple of months! What doesn't kill you will make you stronger and possibly build character. The thing is though you have to be open and willing to allow the challenge and to see it as that and find the strength within to overcome and come out on top on the other side! So with that I am going to take those words and apply them to my life and my situation and look for a positive outcome no matter what!

January 11, 2009

So I have missed Friday and Saturday in my quest to write everyday. It's not as easy as I thought plus I have been contemplating a major change that part of me thinks I will be happy with and the other part of me just may regret but I won't know unless I try so I have to listen to my heart and follow what she says to me. It has been coming up in me too many times lately and so I think it is time to listen to my inner voice and do what comes naturally. I cannot make up for the two days gone but I can try to do better from this day forward!

January 8, 2009

Sometimes you don't understand why things happen but they just happen and you have to accept them as they happen. I know how I feel about certain things in my life and as much as I try to understand why I feel that way, it doesn't always make sense to me. I guess in due time it will reveal itself or just all together go away but until that happens you have to deal with it as it happens. Sometimes I wish my heart would listen to my head but I guess if it did that I wouldn't have had the many experiences I have had thus far in my lifetime. This is not for fortune nor fame just me expressing myself through literary means which my soul will not, cannot deny. Time....always moves at it's own pace and shall not be moved.

January 7, 2009

It's that kind of quiet day where not much is needed to be said but I gotta keep writing!

A Moment of Creativity

The first time I felt his lips his hands made my soul feel on fire.
Some kind of passion that seemed almost unbearable to control.
Wanted to unleash the desire within me to remove every article of clothing to feel him inside me.
No need to hide my motive we were already headed in that direction.
Might as well not fake the funk now.
Time to get our groove thang going and reach that pure point of ecstasy that we've been searching for.

January 6, 2009

Well actually it's the 7th but I fell asleep and went right into the new day. Communication is not always an easy task. I try but it's not always successful but I still try. Sometimes you get to your wits end and you want to give up but there is that part of you that just can't. I wonder if you ever get past that part? There are some people that I have met in the past who have a way of brightening up my day or even making my day and that always makes me smile. It's funny how in the beginning you never expect it to get that way but it does. I like that sometimes we can feed off of each other's positive energy. There are instances where it can be a negative feed but for the most part I try to avoid that. I have also realized that some connections are only for a season and it's a reality that is sometimes hard to swallow.

January 5, 2009

Almost let this day slip away without at least putting something down. I am trying to be consistent and hopefully it will last all year! It is what it is!

January 4, 2009

The heart wants what the heart wants even if it can't have what it wants. I think I feel things sometimes deeper than I would like to but can't seem to help feel. My decision to expose some sides of myself through my writing was a big decision for me. I'm quite private and somewhat uncertain of letting people in but in someways I'd like to change that. There always is gonna be a part of yourself that you want to keep to yourself but it doesn't have to be all of you. So everyday little by little, I am going to expose a little more of myself so as not to be afraid of exposure. There will be some days when I will not be feeling like exposure and that'll be alright with me!

January 3, 2009

Somedays there will be much posting and then there are days when it will be minimal but I am going to try my best to write everyday. Have decided this year will be the year I pop my literary cherry and perform @ an open mic night. Came across a list of places that I am going to look into and then just go do my thang! It's time! Well off to make good on one of my resolutions of "being open more"!

Have You Ever?

Have you ever met someone who made your soul feel like it was on fire? Made your heart skip a beat everytime you saw them or heard their voice? That their presence drew you
Into them and when they are gone, it's as if they took the sparkle with them? Have you ever wondered that that person could be you having that effect on someone else. In someways this kind of person either pulls you in or scares you because it's unique compared to all your other experiences. As much as you try to escape it or understand it, the more it seems to consume you. Is it possible that this is the person who completes you, the ying to your yang, the shine to your sun? Of course fear can get in the way and make you doubt what is staring you right in the face. In retrospect, the heart to me is usually the best guide but choosing to follow it is always hard to decide.

January 1, 2009

Love. It seems like a simple word but somehow is complicated. Many of us desire it, need it, have it, want it, or run from it. Sometimes I find myself running from it but still desiring it but not quite sure how to always maintain it. When it comes to family and close friends, I have no problem but when it comes to the opposite sex well "Houston we have a problem"! You'd think by now I'd have it all figured out and know exactly but seeing as how I'm constantly evolving and discovering new things about myself, the idea of it changes. I guess in someways that's a part of life but it's something I very much desire so I am gonna work harder at not running from it. Not expecting others to fill in the voids that I have created myself and not filled in. To not be afraid when it is staring me right in the face. To be more open, honest, and sincere of my needs and desires. I only live once so why not live life to it's fullest potential and let love be my guide! I want to visit New York this year and somehow I wanna make that happen! My birthday would be an ideal time but it's kind of close to Fall and I'd like to experience New York in the summer. I'm gonna work on that! Simplicity is another one of my resolutions that I will try to work on. Every day I will write something. It may be long or short but I will stick with my writing.